his eyes were deep pools of milk chocolate,
and i would drown in them.
they stared deep into my soul,
causing every molecule,
every atom in this body of mine
i could lose myself in them for hours.
he gazed at me with such softness,
making me feel as if i were beautiful,
the only thing his attention would be fixed on.
i could lose myself in it for days.
i love you, i'd murmur.
i love you too, he'd reply.
then one day, he left.
i still don't understand it.
and there was no more of the deep gaze
i would often intoxicate myself upon.
there was no more voice
that eased my insomnia into sleep.
there were no more arms
that held me close at night.
i woke up alone.
i couldn't breathe.
i didn't want to.
there was nothing more that i wanted,
i didn't need anything else,
i just wanted him.
i still do.
we'll still be friend, he said,
his smile apologetic and unsure.
he killed me. twice.
i died at his goodbye,
and i died at his offer of friendship.
we'll still be friends.
i want to yell,
to hold on.
but you can't change a mind that's been made up.
to wait... would he come?
or to forget... can i do it?
a goodbye, an easy way out?
i loved him.
i love him.
and here i am waiting still.