allen & amoeba.

i almost forgot i had these pictures.

hung out with my friend allen on a random day.

i like to spontaneously call him up to hang out and do nothing.

we do that quite well.

we went to in-n-out.

went to amoeba (i fucking love that place).

then kinda crashed urban outfitters to break my heart.

30DAYCHALLENGE--007.

7. Your opinion on cheating on people.

Well, I'm incapable of cheating. I can't handle the lying, the splitting of time, the process of covering up things. All the things you have to do that's required when you cheat is just too time consuming, causes too many headaches--plus the heartbreak. Oh man, I don't want to put anyone through anything like that. It's brutal. But, I do see why people do it. I mean, maybe you're not satisfied, maybe you just want the best of everyone's world, maybe you're on an endless search in finding happiness and acceptance in/from someone...maybe. I understand it all but I just can't understand how you can be intimate with two (sometimes even more) people at the same time. I'm pretty sure when you're with one, the thought of another pops up and vice versa. I mean, I can't be intimate (and I don't mean it just in the sexual sense) with two people at the same time. I'm very particular when it comes to human relationships from the start, of course when it comes to giving my heart I'll be even more picky.

And, besides, when I give you my all, I give you my all. I can't divide it, I can't hide certain sides of me depending on what type of person I'm with (either you accept and understand all aspects of me or we end things now and move on).

I understand why people do it. It stems from a lot of things. I understand it all. But I don't approve of it. It's heartbreaking, for the cheater and the cheatee and the person the cheater cheats with, unless that cheater is just a spiteful person and thinks they are entitled to all the love they come across.

It's just really messy. Really hurtful. Actually, it's immense emotional pain.

But it's beautiful when they try to make it right.

30DAYCHALLENGE--006.

6. The person you like and why you like them.
(I know, I've been really bad at keeping up with this, haha)

silly teardrop tattoos done by my friend noah, same night i got my mustache done!

I guess my boyfriend will count as someone I like, although I don't just like the guy. I love him for many reasons, and for no specific reason at all. May sound a little cliche, but I find that statement to be very true. Whenever the question is asked, I can't really give an answer. I just feel giddy and gush about what an amazing person he is and how he makes me feel like I'm walking on clouds. I know, everything I just said normally gets a *barf reaction from me and I hate that it sound so corny but it's true. However, if I really had to list reasons, they would be:

still.

his eyes were deep pools of milk chocolate,
and i would drown in them.
they stared deep into my soul,
causing every molecule,
every atom in this body of mine
to vibrate.

i could lose myself in them for hours.

he gazed at me with such softness,
making me feel as if i were beautiful,
the only thing his attention would be fixed on.

i could lose myself in it for days.

i love you, i'd murmur.
i love you too, he'd reply.

then one day, he left.
he left.

i still don't understand it.

and there was no more of the deep gaze
i would often intoxicate myself upon.
there was no more voice
that eased my insomnia into sleep.
there were no more arms
that held me close at night.
no more.

i woke up alone.

i couldn't breathe.
i didn't want to.
there was nothing more that i wanted,
i didn't need anything else,
i just wanted him.
i still do.

we'll still be friend, he said,
his smile apologetic and unsure.
he killed me. twice.

i died at his goodbye,
and i died at his offer of friendship.

we'll still be friends.

i want to yell,
to reason,
to hold on.

but you can't change a mind that's been made up.

to wait... would he come?
or to forget... can i do it?
a goodbye, an easy way out?

i loved him.
i love him.

and here i am waiting still.

08292011.

today's gonna be a productive one!

made a habit of writing lists for the day since highschool.

keeps my cluttered mind organized, and it really helps to keep me motivated.

so, here's today's list:

note my gangster all-caps handwriting, lol

i'm not sure if i'll be posting them daily though, haha.

but yes, i'll be heading over to pcc in a bit with my friend noah,

trying to get my life back on track and start school again after two years.

i don't know if i should stick to my english literature major

or go with art history again. hmm. so many decisions to make!

& i got a staff position for new world color just last friday.

i used to intern for mainframe (ceo & music producer for the label),

then we became friends and i disappeared off the face of the music industry..

now i'm back writing bios and album descriptions and press releases for him via label.

super excited to be back on my grind.

i was dying of unproductiveness/quarter life crisis (though i'm not close to 25 yet).

stay tuned, for i shall have interesting updates.

it's always crazy with the nwc fam, ahlwaiyze.

hannah song, it's about that time.

7.

Topic: Write a letter to someone you dislike/don't get along with.

Hannah:

I'm going to use this opportunity to address issues that haven't been sitting well with me. But before I begin, I just want to make it clear that no, I'm not trying to instigate anything. Nor am I trying to embarrass anyone. I just want to get a few things off my chest and I'm going to go about it in the most mature and best-behaved way I can.

Here it goes.

To the two of you:

A, I don't dislike you. At all. I honestly think you're a pretty interesting person and a girl with many talents. It kind of freaks me out that you and I have a number of similarities, given the circumstances I won't even go into, and I'm not denying the fact that it didn't sit well with me the first couple of months. In fact, I ended up resenting it. But then, you know, I got over it and got along with you pretty well. But I was always kind of wary of you because I knew of the shit-talking you engaged in with B regarding me before you even knew who I was. And, you know, I can quote you correctly because you put it on blast on a social media site.

"(To B) all i gotta say is 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery'"
"(B to A) man ok well idgaf but she super bites you... my opinion before you stated the obvious!"
(To B) yuppp glad i'm not the only one who sees it. its kind of pretty annoying"

"(B to A) 1:53"
"(To B) its 2:02"
"(B to A) so uh what's that supposed to mean...?"
"(To B) whatever you want it to..it's weird how people put meaning into random things huh"

Before you get all weirded out, I think I should tell you that I have an exceptionally good memory.

Honestly, I understand the reasons as to why the badmouthing even began. Maybe it's because of that you think that certain things I say on this same social media site are directed to you. Or that I have some hidden agenda to subtly insult you. And I'm gonna tell you again what I told you before when you sent me that text regarding this a few months back: No, I'm not directing anything at you. Trust me, if I had any ill intent, you would know. Because I'll be coming at you in avery straightforward way.

I think the only time I've actually thought ill of you was when you would post pictures of Skype sessions between the two of you on his wall. And clue in on the little inside jokes you guys had so publicly so that I can see them. But even then I swallowed it up and dismissed it as something girls just do (something I still personally don't really understand since I'm not really big on blatantly putting things on blast and deem it kind of immature. And yes, all that really hurt A LOT at the time). If only things were revealed a little faster, eh?

But what's done is done, and I'm not here to bring up past issues or what not. I guess I'm really taking advantage of this exercise to get shit off my chest. I mean, I don't even expect you to read this. Nor do I even expect to have this conversation with you in real-time. So, you know, an imaginary conversation suffices in making me feel better about all this.

To be completely honest, this is more directed to B.

B. I don't trust you, at all. The conversation I provided above totally just gave me a huge insight as to what kind of person you are and I'm so glad I'm not in your close circuit of friends.

I think what enraged me most about that was the fact that you'd act cool with me whenever we'd see each other (on a rare occasion when he would bring me around his friends, at that time). And the fact that you still act like you're cool with me while you're probably badmouthing me with the likes of his ex-girlfriend (may God, Buddha, Jesus, Allah and Shiva bless that girl) or whoever seems to be disliking me around you. And this doesn't only go for me. You probably badmouth every one of your friends, depending on the most recent disagreement, or the most recent "OMG I can't stand _____"s, etc etc.

Maybe you mean well, maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe. But have you thought for a second to tell A the truth, or at least knock some sense into him before you ran your judgmental mouth? It probably wasn't your place to do any such thing, but did you have to go resort to shit-talking?

What kind of guy are you, to badmouth a girl with another girl?

I guess I'm more angry about this because ultimately, you didn't know (and still don't know) shit about me to even have participated in shit-talk.

I'm coming off really harsh, yes. Because, in the end, I'm going to be cool with you and probably share a few laughs and such when we party together. You know, since now we share most of the same friends. I'm going to be nice and say hello and all that jazz, because, ultimately, I don't want bad vibes whenever we're in the same house or club or room or lounge or bar or car together, and I generally like you as a person.

And, honestly, you're a pretty fun guy to be around and yes. Maybe you really do mean well.

But booboo, it'll only be scratching the surface with you. 

And YOU. Oh, you.

Although I don't like to give certain people power over me, I hope you know that you single-handedly ruined my first Vegas experience. I don't know what it is you have against me, I don't even know why you dislike me so much. But, I think what you did in Vegas was very disrespectful, not only to him, but to me. I seriously wanted to smash your face into a cab window.

My first impression of you wasn't so good either. Santa Anita racetrack? At the food truck fest? Yeah, you said some unnecessary snide comments that made me wonder how you even manage to keep your friends.

I find you very unpleasant to be around, and it trips me out because I've never really found anyone to be so unpleasant, especially because I really get along with almost everyone. I'm tolerant of a lot of things and I'm amiable and super easy to get along with but you. Oh, you.

I don't even know what to do with you, since I know I'll be seeing you around pretty often. I don't know whether to ignore you like I did on fourth of July (thatwas rude of me but what the hell do you expect?) or to keep being nice to you. I just wish you weren't so adamant in expressing your dislike for me so that it doesn't kill everyone's mood when we're all together.

I mean... I know why I don't really like you much. Like, crystal clear.

But do you know why you don't find me worthy enough to even respect me like a human being? (Seriously, excuse my French but, bitch I ain't your dog.) What the fuck did I ever do to you?

I mean, I'm just saying. Let's be adults and go about things in a mature way.

We left highschool for a reason.

Jonathan:

He skipped out on this one because he found it difficult. Must be nice to get along with everyone, lol.

worry about the grown-ups.

Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist.

via tumblr

from the corners.

the pages were frayed,

a distant light flickering

like the wings of an injured butterfly.

hope seemed like a faraway memory

of yesterday,

so close, yet out of immediate reach.

a sigh escaped from her lips,

downcast eyes holding the gaze

of an empty hall.

what seemed to exist just wasn't there.

no, not any longer.

not anymore.

what was left were memories

of what once was, lingering

like a scent.

she was too reluctant to let go.

it was like giving up, quitting, forgetting,

forgiving.

unhealthy as it was,

she just wasn't ready.

no, not at all...

for she loved basking

in her anger.

bad bitch.

tree of life.

truly inspiring.

via tumblr

happy humpday.

some greek for ya.

i've been meaning to share these with everyone but i never got around to it.

go figure, right?

i recently went to a greek restaurant named papa cristo's in my neighborhood.

the place has been around for a while--it's a little deli/store/bakery plus eatery

and in all my life i've never enjoyed the food there, with the exception of their superb baguettes.

so, we kind of had a double-lunch-date to try the place out.

boone gallery blues.

it's not really the blues, but it sounds cool to say.

i'm a gallery facilitator here at the boone gallery, over at lacma.

sometimes it gets really dull, a little too familiar, routine.

but the people i work with make it really fun to spend inside the dim-lit place.

here's a little peek into the things i see at work.

just outside, these conservationists work on a 900(?) year old korean buddhist monk painting.

happiness.

it is an abstract thing. happiness is unattached. always the same. it does not appear and disappear. it is not sometimes more and sometimes less. it is our awareness of happiness that goes up and down. happiness is our real condition. it is reality. it is life.

agnes martin, march 22, 1912 - december 16, 2004

feng-shui.

i did it again.

i cleaned my room.

rearranged it too.

it. took. seven. hours.

and, of course, i took before & after pictures =)

6.

Write a chorus about loving your significant other enough to compromise yourself.

Hannah:

         Unfortunately, I was unable to do this one. Lyricism is definitely not my area of strength.

Jonathan:

Bb              F               Gm                Cm   

Oh, you’re bitter you’re sweet

Bb        F         Gm               Cm

i get a cut for every kiss that i keep

Bb                     F          Gm            Cm

but please don’t change a thing 

Bb       F               Gm            Cm       

i want everything, all of you and me

gifts from thailand!

a pack of dunhill cigarettes with a picture of a dying smoker who has a hole in his neck & hooked to machines.

an elephant coin purse!

a ganesh card that i won't take out of the package. ever.

a leather bracelet with brass bells, beads and jade.

from the best LACMA couple,

the coolest co-workers/friends ever,

kai & robert.

thank you so much,

eye luffs yers. <3

wake up, wake up, wake up

it's the first of the mooooooooonth.

if i were still a lover of mary-jane, i'd light one up and indulge in mean munchies.

but my pothead days have been long since over and i started this morning off with some spitalfield.

complete opposite ends of the music spectrum, i know.

you all should know by now that my music range is as wide as yo momma's hips.

anywho.