hair

I never understood why the majority of females are so attached to their hair. It's obvious from the picture above (that's only during 2009 to 2012!) that I am very fickle with my own locks, and gathering from my many hair posts on this here blog you can tell that I am also very impatient with the process of growing it out. Now that I think about it, I guess it's because of the fact that my mom was studying cosmetology when I was younger. Growing up, I've had perms, pixie cuts, bobs, waves, streaks, highlights...I was my mom's living, breathing hair mannequin--maybe that shaped my hair-fickle ways. The fact that I have very thick and heavy hair probably added onto it as well; I'd often be plagued with massive headaches due to the weight of my hair, especially during hot weather. In any case, I have no hesitation when it comes to haircuts. If anything, it's a tendency if mine to cut my hair pixie-short after growing it out for a year or two. Honestly, it's a pretty exhilarating feeling! I absolutely love taking risks with my physical appearance.

space

I saw your face in the crowd last night, I saw your face for the slightest glimpse of a second too short. I hoped it was my mind playing a terrible trick on me, malicious with its intent to agonize my heart, but it was really you. Who can ever forget those brown eyes, that crooked smile of yours that added to your own personal charm...I know I couldn't. I can't, and it torments me.

Though I wanted to see you again, more than anything, I wish I hadn't. Now, my thoughts are filled with you, of us, of what we had and what we used to know, and without realizing I'm scanning my surroundings for you. Wherever I go. Because, foolishly, I'm hoping to see you again, by luck, chance, fate, whatever force, cosmic or not, I have on my side. I didn't realize until last night, when my eyes fell on a glimpse of you and my heart jumped up to my throat, just how much I miss you still, how much I haven't let go, forgotten, how much I yearned for you. Your voice, your gaze, your crooked, charming smile, and your touch. Of all things about you, I wanted to hear your laugh again while you held me close as I snuggled up to abolish what little space there was between us.

Space. Almost instantaneously there were miles between us as soon as the word escaped your lips while we sat just a coffee table's length away. Soon enough, there was no more shared closet, your toothbrush was gone and the nights we spent cozily spooning while drifting off into sleep was no more. Your side of the bed turned cold, empty. Then, there were episodes of pride between us that turned those miles into lightyears, my ego in the way of the matters of my heart, and I continued to busy myself in appearing okay, alive without you. I was too busy pretending that I became numb, and seeing you again, quick as it was, brought a wave of feeling over me that I don't know how to handle. I feel young, foolish, full of regret and vulnerable all over.

I saw your face in the crowd last night, and I saw the girl that made you smile your crooked smile, the smile that I still love and cherish, and I realized that the lightyears of space between us didn't exist anymore, because the world we had, the world I couldn't let go of, ceased to exist for you.

feelin' red

i've been drawn to the color red lately

and since i've cut my hair, i haven't left

the house without donning matte red

lipstick from nars. funny how i always

feel more feminine whenever i chop off

the puffy lion's mane i have on my head.

and hooray for me using my camera again,

though it was to entertain the little vanity i have.

car rides and blurry memories

summer started and we spent a week vacation being spontaneous--

last minute vegas trip, ended up getting free tickets to edc sunday,

could've seen skrillex + diplo + afrojack but decided to take it easy.

had good times with great company, made many intoxicated memories,

(all to be forgotten lol) i have to say that this vegas trip has been the best yet!

came back home to spend the rest of the week in QT with the boo..

now it's monday, back to reality and responsibilities and work work work =)

take it off

lazy, lazy.

it's been harder and harder for me to get up at 7:30AM.

it's 12:06PM now, and I've been up for about three hours.

so far, i've only gotten one thing done out of my errands.

anyway, today's to-do list:

(funny how i tend to be the busiest on my day off)

• go to csula to turn in paperwork for transcripts
• finish up the dj vick one interview/article for swagg news
• go to the bank, deposit skrilla
• go to t-mobile and handle new-phone business
• meeting with sina and new girl regarding company 
• send out babe events e-mails, etc
• start on the ninth navales-song writing exercise (self-portrait + writing)
• buy disposable camera to start project 

yes, i'm still in my pjs. yes, i'm procrastinating.

big fucking time.

i wasn't kidding when i said i need better time management.

san francisco.

I just realized that I didn't write about my weekend trip to San Francisco.

We went up by Greyhound on April 29th and stayed there until the following Sunday.