space

I saw your face in the crowd last night, I saw your face for the slightest glimpse of a second too short. I hoped it was my mind playing a terrible trick on me, malicious with its intent to agonize my heart, but it was really you. Who can ever forget those brown eyes, that crooked smile of yours that added to your own personal charm...I know I couldn't. I can't, and it torments me.

Though I wanted to see you again, more than anything, I wish I hadn't. Now, my thoughts are filled with you, of us, of what we had and what we used to know, and without realizing I'm scanning my surroundings for you. Wherever I go. Because, foolishly, I'm hoping to see you again, by luck, chance, fate, whatever force, cosmic or not, I have on my side. I didn't realize until last night, when my eyes fell on a glimpse of you and my heart jumped up to my throat, just how much I miss you still, how much I haven't let go, forgotten, how much I yearned for you. Your voice, your gaze, your crooked, charming smile, and your touch. Of all things about you, I wanted to hear your laugh again while you held me close as I snuggled up to abolish what little space there was between us.

Space. Almost instantaneously there were miles between us as soon as the word escaped your lips while we sat just a coffee table's length away. Soon enough, there was no more shared closet, your toothbrush was gone and the nights we spent cozily spooning while drifting off into sleep was no more. Your side of the bed turned cold, empty. Then, there were episodes of pride between us that turned those miles into lightyears, my ego in the way of the matters of my heart, and I continued to busy myself in appearing okay, alive without you. I was too busy pretending that I became numb, and seeing you again, quick as it was, brought a wave of feeling over me that I don't know how to handle. I feel young, foolish, full of regret and vulnerable all over.

I saw your face in the crowd last night, and I saw the girl that made you smile your crooked smile, the smile that I still love and cherish, and I realized that the lightyears of space between us didn't exist anymore, because the world we had, the world I couldn't let go of, ceased to exist for you.