long time no blog

excuse the mosquito bite on my forehead, they feasted on my blood when i went camping in sequoia!

hello everyone! it's been a while, hasn't it?

i hope this blogpost finds everyone in good health and great times. in the month and a half that i've been silent, not much has happened. well, i lied, a lot has happened. as i've said in earlier posts, this year so far has been the most eventful in my now twenty-three-and-a-half years of life. i've met loads of new people, made new friends, my days and nights have been filled with amazing company and i love the direction my life is taking when regarding the relationships i have and i am currently treasuring and nurturing. this year has also been the most expensive in spending so far, but i ain't mad--you get what you pay for.

right now, i'm at a place in my life where i'm welcoming change--a change of pace, a change of means to reach the ends, and definitely a change of character. throughout this year, my eyes have opened to many new truths and i am adjusting myself to adapt. there's been a lot of time spent in introspection and (as cliché as it may sound) i'm nowhere near the woman i want to be but i'm well on my way towards her.

a lot of change, brewing inside of me and gurgling outside in my daily life..i'm excited! and i haven't really been shooting much or even partaking in my artistic interest, i kind of lost the groove but i'll be hopping back into soon. sometimes it just feels awesome to take a break and live.

so, until next time, à bientôt!

back to black

because black seems to dominate my wardrobe

because my attachment to this bodysuit is borderline obsessive

because i'm so happy now that i can tie my awkward mess of hair back

i've dawdled the hours away on mad men and google

now it's time to head out and explore the neighborhood park

(which i haven't stepped foot in since moving to the area)

good morning

i haven't been around this in a while

everything's amazing, i'm feeling cosmic

made three trips to joshua tree so far this year and

the latest one was for the beau's twenty-seven.

great times with even better company in the most awe inspiring place!

trying to be patient with my hair as i try to grow it out,

and i've been more scatter-brained than usual as of late..

honestly, i just want to go back to joshua tree!

but i'm definitely looking forward to our upcoming SF trip--

soon enough i'll be home sweet home, even if it's just for a weekend.

i have a ton of pictures to share!

but as for now i'm keeping to myself,

gonna enjoy the days without wanting to constantly

freeze-frame moments to suspend them in time.

because, sometimes, pictures don't do enough.

a machine can't quite capture things to the way our

eyes perceive the world around us, and believe me--

there is just so much beauty that we take for granted.

anyway, have a wonderful day, and i'll leave you with one of my favorites:

just checking in

hiyo! hope january has been treating everyone well.

everything is amazing here on my end, it's been a very

rewarding and inspiring month so far--i'm feeling really good!

like crispy pata

feeling pretty burnt out today.

fedora head

stuck in a cubicle for the last three hours of work.

then it's another three hours spent in a meeting,

and it's fine with me because they're gonna feed us.

spanksgiving

thanksgivingtaking, my favorite time of year!

let's just ignore the fact that the pilgrims totally

took advantage of the natives' welcoming hearts

and focus on the important part of this historic day.

the food.

yes, yes, gluttony is my favorite deadly sin so

how can i not be in love with this bullshit holiday?

besides, america is the only country where you can

stampede into a store and trample people the day after

you give thanks for whatever it is you feel thankful for.

america, for the win!

anyway, this year's thankstaking was a pretty busy one. my parents', my grandma's, sean's dad's and then we went to drop off t-day food to our friend bernadette's since she worked a double (bless her soul, it ain't t-day without good food and great company) and then went to our friends' the ramboyongs to say hello and watch a documentary on the court rivalry of larry bird and earvin "magic" johnson--that was a really good documentary! i'm kind of sad we left before we could finish it. and can i just say that black friday is completely overrated? because it really is. DOWN WITH CAPITALISM AND BULLSHIT CONSUMERISM!!! then we headed over to sean's mom's for dinner and ended up getting sucked into a twilight marathon with his little siblings (they popped my Twilight cherry, haha).

now, it's saturday but it feels like a sunday and my sense of time is really skewed. i think i gained twenty pounds from being a gluttonous fool but i was seriously in heaven. i'm really excited for thankstaking dinner over at sean's step-father's family's later on today and i'm seriously excited about this cheddar-spam, rice and eggs i'm about to cook. and then we're gonna watch some more twilight (eclipse and breaking dawn pt. 1) back over at the mccall's and i guess tomorrow noon we're gonna watch the second part in theaters??

maybe it's because i was pretty drunk on beaucoup vino,

but i really didn't mind the twilight movies so much, haha.

the weather outside is weather

hi everyone.

it's november.

day's are colder.

i can't wait for thanksgiving.

music off, world on

lately, i've been trying out this new thing called "let's leave the ipod at home" while going about my daily commutes. for those of you who use public transportation as a means to get around (due to having no license, no car, etc), you can all agree that having earphones in your ears is the best way to avoid human contact. the world turns into a tv on mute and your sense of hearing is filled with whatever it is you're plugged into. as i've started leaving my ipod behind, i've come to realize just how much we big city folk have grown nonchalant to our surroundings and especially to the people around us. we also have this appalling ability to see right through other human beings, as if they weren't standing right in front of us at all.

it's been about a month since i've abandoned the act of willingly deafening my ears (because, after all, that's exactly what we're doing), soaking up the sounds of the city and the array of culture that walks, breathes, and lives along with me in this amazing city of Los Angeles (along with the many neighboring cities I trek to with my bus card and feet).

i guess i can also say that i've traded in music for words--i've started to really enjoy reading again, after neglecting so many unread books that i've filled my shelves with. just because i started to live life, and thoroughly enjoy it, doesn't mean i shouldn't indulge myself with fiction :)

androgyny

who dat bwoyee?

FYGWSH

i'm on my way to being tumblr famous!

haha, not really. but i submitted and now

my image is circulating around the tumblr

universe (kinda cool!). i absolutely love this

blog, hair inspiration and beauty galore!

birthday wishes

i just want to take this time out to thank everyone for their birthday greetings and well wishes! every one of you are amazing, i definitely felt all the love around me. i do want to apologize for not thanking you guys sooner; i'm afraid i'm just barely recovering from the most wildest birthday weekend i've ever had in my life! from truck stop (best. experience. ever.), to last night's korean barbeque, the intoxication and "oh fuck, why did we do that?" didn't end. now it's monday, i'm so worn out and i really wonder how i used to do this every damn weekend for the most part of 2010. gahdamn, i really must be getting old.

happy monday, everyone, and thank you for celebrating with me :)

oh, and ps, i totally fell in love with this video over the weekend.

mes cheveux

impatience is taking over me.

this is me, right now, puffy-eyed and half-awake,

lying on my stomach doing homework i've neglected

in just a mere two hours before i have to leave the house for

a 1.5 hour metro commute i have to make to get to school.

right now, i wish i had a desk, and i'm thinking that

maybe i should just miss out today and fight this sore throat +

cold combination i feel coming on like the trickling sense of

dread you feel when you wake up in the same clothes you wore

last night in a place you don't recognize next to a plastic bag.

i mean, not that that's happened to me but, you know, one can imagine.

and...is it really drizzling right now?!

prohibition

something's been brewing inside of me,

scribbling my thoughts and soaking me with doubt.

i'm repeating the same mistakes i kept making,

pushing when they pull, my cruelty resurfacing, all the while

regretting the harsh things i said and trying to come to terms with myself.

i feel too much,

and i feel nothing at all at the same time,

how does one deal with such contradiction?

all i know is that i'm staying away from alcohol,

for a while, at least until i've learned how to cope with

my current state of being.

but, i should also make clear that i'm okay,

i know i will be.. mostly thanks to him.

lackluster

i find myself in this place again, unmoving and dull.

it's not so much that i'm comfortable--on the contrary,

i feel as if i'm a stranger in my own skin. things seems to

move forward and on with vigor, and i'm here like a ghost,

a flower on the wall, living inside myself, trying to make

sense of these clipped and scrambled thoughts in my head.

every day's a new breath,

yet i'm asphyxiated.

i feel too much and

i feel nothing.

i'm not

dead

but

am

i

l

i

v

i

n

g

at all?

you can't please everyone

in life, there's always going to be someone who judges you

(sometimes quite harshly) no matter what you do, or

how nice you are or how much you don't care for them.

sometimes, people just go on hating,

they scrutinize your every move,

and they even translate your best intentions

into something horribly less than noble.

sometimes, it's because you're not like them,
or that they feel threatened by you or
maybe it's because of jealousy,

but most of the time it's because these people

aren't happy about their own selves,

their own lives.

so, instead of doing something about it,

they just talk you down,

paint a warped picture of you and just

maliciously act out like they're in high school.

but you gotta remember that

you can't please everyone and people are always

going to judge you and their judgement may

or may not be fair, but ultimately,

who the fuck cares about what they think?

as long as you're true to yourself,

as long as you're happy with who you are,

what they think about you has no weight on your character.

whatsothefuckever.

so, this one's for all my haters,

the ones who talk me down, try to convince others to do the same,

this one's for the people who make it hard for me to be nice.

it doesn't matter that you hate me,

what matters is that i'm still on your motherfucking mind.

even on my off days

i'm here at work.

chillin' at lacma,

getting shit done

since i get lazy at home.

spring break

today's the first day of spring break!

i've totally been veggin' out, watching beaucoup movies

and was supposed to have a photoshoot but things fell last minute.

well, now it's time to edit pictures from past shoots..

just after one more movie.

ps) i'm totally homesick for san francisco.

hiyo

it's been a while since a post like this!

hope everyone's doing well as the weather's getting warmer.

i'm on spring break now but of course i'm busier than ever..

if only all these passion projects provided a steady income.

sigh.