30DAYCHALLENGE -- 17.

17. Things that make you scared.

Should I just name my phobias?

Atelphobia.

Mulluscophobia.

Trypophobia.

Yeap.

30DAYCHALLENGE -- 16.

16. Three things you are proud of about your personality.

well, i wouldn't say proud, per say.

but i like my easy-going attitude,

i like that i'm good with kids and people,

and i especially like my empathy.

30DAYCHALLENGE -- 15.

I will finish this exercise.

15. The best thing that happened to you this week.

I started reading Look at the Birdie by Kurt Vonnegut and totally fell in love.

I've found another author to add to my favorites!

30DAYCHALLENGE -- 14.

14. Something disgusting you do.

Well, for one, I pick my boogers when I'm alone.

Sometimes, blowing your nose just doesn't cut it.

For another, I tweet about pooping.

And I'm almost always pooping when I tweet about it, haha.

Oh, and I have a filthy, filthy vocabulary.

Honestly, I can be a very vulgar person all around.

PS) I totally forgot about this exercise that I started, haha.

30DAYCHALLENGE--013.

13. A date you'd love to go on.

I'm not very romantic, although I have to admit that every now and then I want to have a romance movie moment (but you'll never hear me saying it out loud). I can't really stand many romantic comedies, stay away from romance movies (things like The Notebook and all that jazz), and I'm not very much into the whole overly affectionate thing (unless I'm behind closed doors). I guess a nice candlelit dinner and a walk on the beach would be something I'd like to do, but eh.

Right now, I'm into the whole traveling thing. I want to spend a week away from Los Angeles and go roam about in another city (preferably San Francisco but I'm game for anywhere else). I'm against doing touristy things though. I want to make friends in a new city and live like the locals for a week--nevermind the attractions that city offers. But..that doesn't really count as a date, does it? More like a vacation..

Okay, a date. I'd love to go find a hole-in-the-wall restaurant that serves the best food. Then buy some wine and cheese to hang out at my favorite park (or find a new park) after hours. Then maybe find some places that are ideal for night-shooting and snap away. I mean, all this counts as a date, right? It may not be flashy but..

I mean..what do other people do on dates? Honestly, I don't really care what we do, as long as there's good conversation and laughter. Oh, and let's not forget about the good food, too.

30DAYCHALLENGE--012.

12. Things you want to say to an ex.

well, truthfully, i only have one ex,

and most times i don't even consider him one.

we were only together for one month,

maybe two,

and it was such a bad idea.

however, i do want to tell him

and explain to him why i was so horrible.

you see, back then, i was deathly afraid of men,

because of the things i went through

when i was younger.

i was clearly fucked in the head,

but was selfish enough to want

someone to want me,

someone to hold me,

someone to care for me,

when i wasn't anywhere near ready

to handle that kind of commitment.

i tensed at his touch,

cringed at his attempts for affection,

and i couldn't bring myself to let him in.

i took his want to be with me

and twisted it into clinginess,

and in truth, he was a little clingy,

but not as much as i took him to be.

i failed to realize that he needed someone,

and that he had issues too,

and that i should have been understanding of that

and at least try to be a little nicer...

i was horrible and i played out my inner turmoil

on him,

instead of learning to deal,

or being mature enough to understand

that i wasn't able to handle an emotional investment

in those days.

instead i bickered,

fought,

belittled,

and neglected him.

i was hot

and cold

never warm

and for that

i want to apologize.

because now,

i realize

just how much he cared for me,

respected me,

and, yes, loved me,

(something i brutally dismissed

whenever he'd work up the courage

to tell me so)

and i now realize

that i had failed to see

what i had back then

because i was too blinded

by my own past.

so, friend, if i can call you that,
i want to thank you,
because without our unhealthy relationship,
i would have never figured out
that i was that badly affected
by things that happened so long ago.
and friend, i hope you are happy,
that you've found a girl who completes you,
a girl who understands what you need
and will see you through, thick and thin.
i hope life treats you well,
and maybe, well maybe we can
hang out at your front porch
and talk about art and music,
politics and society,
just like we used to
before we hoped to be
each other's lover.

30DAYCHALLENGE--011.

excuse the dirty mirror, lol.

11. Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

Officially, Sean and I have been together for a little over six months now, but we were dating (if you could call it that) for about a year and three months prior to making our status official. That year and three months was definitely tumultuous; it was especially heartbreaking and dramatic in the last six months of that time frame... Maybe that's why it feels brand new right now. In any case, things have changed and though it was kind of rocky the first three months of official boyfriend-girlfriend status (for obvious reasons), we're going on strong now. We've been living together for a while and we've been growing together.

30DAYCHALLENGE--010.

10. Your views on alcohol and drugs.

We all have our vices and truth be told, I'll be damned if I said I haven't had my fair share of partying like an animal. I've been drinking since I was fourteen. It's not something to be proud of, I know, and I'm not particularly fond of my delinquent past. To be honest, how I managed to graduate high school, or even live for that matter, evades me. I was almost always drunk during school hours, my alcoholic binge starting as early as 7:30 in the morning (oh, that orange juice and tequila combination was my breakfast for a good while, along with many other concoctions as well), and I went through photography class with many trips to the darkroom to chug my vodka-strawberry lemonade. Strangely enough, I've never smoked reefer or dabbled with any other substance other than alcohol. I say it's strange because there was a boom in crystal meth abuse in my high school years and most of my friends were sniffing the ice in textbooks during class. I don't know, their glazed looks always kind of scared me then.

30DAYCHALLENGE--009.

9. Your last kiss.

my last kiss

was given to me

this morning

by my lover.

to start my days

and end my nights

with his kiss...

<3

30DAYCHALLENGE--008.

It's the first of the month, everyone!

I can't believe it's already September--this year's been going by quick. Last night I started a little writing exercise & had people give me topics to write about. I'll be posting them up here soon--I'd start tonight but I'll be over at Grand Star Jazz Club in Chinatown to catch the music video release party of Balance and the Traveling Sounds, a band I wrote about a short while ago on Light Meets Night. Yes, I'll be covering the event for the site, along with LMN editor Sothan, and we'll both be equipped with cameras to document. I'm excited to meet the band members and even more stoked to see them live. Yes, they're really that good. Impressed me quite a bit with their Daft Punk cover.

And yes, I've been striking up a relationship with my old lover insomnia again. She's been settling in and keeping me up with stories of how things used to be (before my boyfriend came into my life and sang me lullabies and held me to sleep), trying to convince me to get back with her. As you can kind of tell, I haven't been rejecting the idea and kind of went on a couple dates. I especially love insomnia because she's a freak and always wants to engage in a menage-à-trois with me and creativity. Gotta love the freaks.

Anyway, here's Challenge Number Eight:

30DAYCHALLENGE--007.

7. Your opinion on cheating on people.

Well, I'm incapable of cheating. I can't handle the lying, the splitting of time, the process of covering up things. All the things you have to do that's required when you cheat is just too time consuming, causes too many headaches--plus the heartbreak. Oh man, I don't want to put anyone through anything like that. It's brutal. But, I do see why people do it. I mean, maybe you're not satisfied, maybe you just want the best of everyone's world, maybe you're on an endless search in finding happiness and acceptance in/from someone...maybe. I understand it all but I just can't understand how you can be intimate with two (sometimes even more) people at the same time. I'm pretty sure when you're with one, the thought of another pops up and vice versa. I mean, I can't be intimate (and I don't mean it just in the sexual sense) with two people at the same time. I'm very particular when it comes to human relationships from the start, of course when it comes to giving my heart I'll be even more picky.

And, besides, when I give you my all, I give you my all. I can't divide it, I can't hide certain sides of me depending on what type of person I'm with (either you accept and understand all aspects of me or we end things now and move on).

I understand why people do it. It stems from a lot of things. I understand it all. But I don't approve of it. It's heartbreaking, for the cheater and the cheatee and the person the cheater cheats with, unless that cheater is just a spiteful person and thinks they are entitled to all the love they come across.

It's just really messy. Really hurtful. Actually, it's immense emotional pain.

But it's beautiful when they try to make it right.

30DAYCHALLENGE--006.

6. The person you like and why you like them.
(I know, I've been really bad at keeping up with this, haha)

silly teardrop tattoos done by my friend noah, same night i got my mustache done!

I guess my boyfriend will count as someone I like, although I don't just like the guy. I love him for many reasons, and for no specific reason at all. May sound a little cliche, but I find that statement to be very true. Whenever the question is asked, I can't really give an answer. I just feel giddy and gush about what an amazing person he is and how he makes me feel like I'm walking on clouds. I know, everything I just said normally gets a *barf reaction from me and I hate that it sound so corny but it's true. However, if I really had to list reasons, they would be:

30DAYCHALLENGE -- 005.

5. Five things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex.

i'm a pretty amiable person.

i like everyone. i get along with everyone.

i'm tolerant of a lot of things and i'm respectful.

it's hard to piss me off, hard to annoy me, hard to get me to dislike you.

foreal.

but proceed to have these five qualities and you'll get the look i'm giving you via photobooth pic above.

30DAYCHALLENGE -- 004.

4. What you wear to bed.

Usually I just wear a shirt/tank top and panties to bed.

Tonight, I'll be under the covers with my Wonder Woman shirt & purple Hanes.

clam chowder & challenge 003.

I know, I know, I'm really bad at updating. I'm trying to balance out my life, work, passions, blogging, writing...it's very apparent that I'm not doing a very good job at it. But, fret not, for here I am! Even though I believe that never late is better, well, it's better late than never. (Thanks, Drake.) Anyway, I see that Blogger's done a little bit of sprucing up regarding its image. Can't say I like it very much but I guess that's because I'm just not used to it. And am I the only one who thinks Google+ is kind of...unnecessary? Maybe it's because I'm getting old and Facebook is just that great, but I don't think another social networking site is really needed. Maybe if it was a super improved version of the current top-social networking site (Facebook), but I think Facebook pretty much has everything going on for it (we can even Skype through Facebook chat??!! Dope).

Moving on.

I love my roommate, Steven! I was craving a sourdough bread bowl clam chowder (from Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco, of course) really bad and tweeted about it. I come home yesterday and BAM! I had a can of Chunky's Clam Chowder waiting for me in the kitchen, courtesy of my French Vietnamese roommate.

I love the people I live with. I'm seriously so lucky to live with my close friends & my lover.

30DAYCHALLENGE - 002.

2. How have you changed in the past 2 years?

Let's see...two years ago it was 2009. I was still at home, still living with my parents and little brother, still in school, still motivated, running my own music blog, going to a ton of shows, religiously going to my interships, religiously writing. I went out to eat a lot, hung out with friends a lot, had fewer tattoos and a lot more money than I do now. Right now, I'm at a standstill, I'm much more mellowed out, I'm in a relationship (who would have thought?), I have more responsibilities, I work a lot but don't work enough, I eat two meals a day at the most...

I'm struggling, much more than I would like to, but I'm not mad because I'm gaining experience and wisdom as the days go by.

30DAYCHALLENGE - 001.

1. Weird things you do when you're alone.

I do quite a number of weird things when I'm alone, or feel like no one is looking. I dance in front of the mirror...in just my underwear. I sing and record it on my phone (voice notes) in the bathroom. I kind of talk to myself, sometimes. I use my hair as a moustache. I watch porn. But I don't masturbate. I think masturbation is...awkward.

I think that's it.

the thirty day challenge.

Thought it'd be fun to do this. Will start tomorrow. =)