the idler wheel

my heart's made of parts of all that surround me

and that's why the devil just can't get around me

every single night's a fight with my brain

i just want to feel everything

she's back and i love her even more.

my friend kat

i'm very lucky to be surrounded by talented individuals and i'm also very blessed to have friends who inspire me greatly. this is an exquisite corpse film project made by my dear friend kat, who graduated from ucsc earlier this month. during the years she was gone i missed her so much, but i was also very proud of her journey and very proud of her success in school. now, she's back home in los angeles and i just can't wait to see her to do all the things we love together (coffee, books, films, writing, omg i'm tingling with excitement!)

so congratulations, kat! expect a text from me real soon <3

the other woman

sometimes, i wonder if you

thought of me when your

face was in between her thighs,
or if you imagined my name

when your ears were filled

with sounds of her love for you and

i wonder if i've crossed your mind

when she held your face in her

dainty hands, so unlike mine,

or if you heard my voice when

your searching lips met hers and

i wonder if you saw my eyes

when she filled the room with

her moans, reaching her climax and

i wonder what it was like

for you, if it was easy to

forget me, easy to pretend

like we didn't exist as you

held her close in your arms.

tattooed hands

now if i've learned anything in my years,

i learned i no longer believe in surprise.

a lack

of motivation.

i don't know what i've been feeling lately,

all i know is that my heart's pretty heavy.

car rides and blurry memories

summer started and we spent a week vacation being spontaneous--

last minute vegas trip, ended up getting free tickets to edc sunday,

could've seen skrillex + diplo + afrojack but decided to take it easy.

had good times with great company, made many intoxicated memories,

(all to be forgotten lol) i have to say that this vegas trip has been the best yet!

came back home to spend the rest of the week in QT with the boo..

now it's monday, back to reality and responsibilities and work work work =)

you can't please everyone

in life, there's always going to be someone who judges you

(sometimes quite harshly) no matter what you do, or

how nice you are or how much you don't care for them.

sometimes, people just go on hating,

they scrutinize your every move,

and they even translate your best intentions

into something horribly less than noble.

sometimes, it's because you're not like them,
or that they feel threatened by you or
maybe it's because of jealousy,

but most of the time it's because these people

aren't happy about their own selves,

their own lives.

so, instead of doing something about it,

they just talk you down,

paint a warped picture of you and just

maliciously act out like they're in high school.

but you gotta remember that

you can't please everyone and people are always

going to judge you and their judgement may

or may not be fair, but ultimately,

who the fuck cares about what they think?

as long as you're true to yourself,

as long as you're happy with who you are,

what they think about you has no weight on your character.

whatsothefuckever.

so, this one's for all my haters,

the ones who talk me down, try to convince others to do the same,

this one's for the people who make it hard for me to be nice.

it doesn't matter that you hate me,

what matters is that i'm still on your motherfucking mind.