the sound of music

It's kind of amazing how things trigger a memory you've forgotten about. A whiff of a certain cologne can throw you back into a memory of a boy you used to craze over, or a visit to a certain place can bring a flood of feeling into you while you remember what occurred in that exact location. I've noticed I experience this phenomena quite a bit depending on what songs are pushing through my earphones, as well as the fact that I come to my greatest realizations whenever my mind is absolutely blank.

I was listening to my Disco playlist on Pandora when almost every song that came on totally took me back to my younger days, days when I felt closer to my family, despite all the things that were going on back then. I remembered the time my dad taught me how to do the Hustle, or when he'd sing along to the BeeGees. Or when my mom would happily sing Abba songs and the four of us would all dance as if we were the most normal and happiest family in the world. I remembered that at one point I felt that we were the richest when it came to laughter and family closeness.

Then it hit me that I've been too caught up with the bad memories I may or may not have exaggerated to justify my disregard towards my family. True, there had been dark times, but in my anger it seems that I've forgotten that we had great times. Golden times. Times that are now few and far in between and I can't help but to feel totally responsible for the rift.

I'm currently going through a number of different emotions as this realization is settling in and I'm trying to find a way to readjust myself. I'm filled with an immense sense of guilt and am a little depressed that I can't seem to successfully find a way to reconcile my Korean sense of filial devotion with my American cultural surroundings and (gasp) assimilation. I just can't seem to find a right balance.

How does one apologize to their parents for being selfish? For being blinded by anger? How does one explain to their immigrant Korean parents that one has lived one's life rebelling because one felt completely torn between two (very opposing) cultures? And one can't help but to wonder, is this the price that a first generation has to pay in order to become an American?

camera shy

i need a camera to my eye, remindin'

which lies i've been hiding, which echoes belong

i've noticed that i've been kind of shying away from using my Nikon (i don't even carry it with me everywhere anymore), from sharing all the snapshots of moments i've captured onto the 8g memory card. they're all just sitting there, waiting patiently on the desktop of sean's mac (which i use for the amazing retina display and the cs5) to be edited and published somewhere, anywhere. to be really honest, i've been in a reclusive mood, not wanting to share more than what i share on my instagram account (which i haven't really been on as often as i normally am).

i'll be sharing the bits of my life and the world around me soon, but for now i'm reveling in the fact that i don't have this incessant need to make every moment a tangible one. after all, the memories that aren't captured onto some kind of memory space are especially golden.

laguna

it felt good to be at the beach,

i haven't been to one in a long time.
it's kind of strange how a place i've
only been to a handful of times can
make me feel so many different emotions.

i'm also really happy that i finally
had my roscoe's fix after dealing with
vicious cravings for about six months.

ginger crush

i thought la roux's cover of the rolling stones' song was cute!

whatever happened to this electropop duo, anyway?

can i just tell you that i have the biggest crush on elly jackson?

her androgyny and her ambiguity (two of my favorite words) intrigue me.

plus, i have a major thing for gingers.

meilleur amis

it seems a little unfair that we as people categorize our friends based on our closeness to them, especially for me since 1) i keep a tight-knit group and 2) i'm pretty close to every single one of them because 3) i'm not frivolous when it comes to giving out the title of "friend". but, in observance of national best friend day, i'd like to take a little time out to dedicate a post to the three friends that have consistently been there for me through the thickest and thinnest of times. without them, i would have been a damn mess.

this is geoff, better known as gee. we share a passion for music, city life and hats and it's a given that we're fiercely loyal to each other. we also puzzle over small-minded behavior while ridiculing that mentality. gee over here knows me best and i love that we can talk about anything and everything, and i think he's the only one who really sees my political side, as well as my philosophical. i love how our friendship remains the same, if not deeper, even though there are times when we don't really talk or hang out much. he's recently moved up to the bay, painting SF red whenever he's out and about and i'm so happy that he's out there doing his thing and i'm jealous all at the same time because he's living in the city we both love (not as much as la though, lol). i miss him so much and i can't wait until i go visit him up there.

vince the barber

check out the interview here

look through the photos here

lots of new opportunities have

come my way and i'm taking this

time to kind of bask in my own

personal achievements as well as

crossing out a few goals on my list

and replacing them with new ones.

i've been really silent and inconsistent

on this here blog of mine but it's all

for a good reason; please bear with me.

i'm exploding like fireworks on the

inside as well as adjusting to some major changes.

i'll spill the milk and beans real soon.

until then,

live, love and laugh.

hannahrenee