30DAYCHALLENGE--009.

9. Your last kiss.

my last kiss

was given to me

this morning

by my lover.

to start my days

and end my nights

with his kiss...

<3

first post from my phone.

i recently downloaded the blogger application on my phone and this is the first time i'm using it. usually i'm kind of ocd about the way my blogposts look so i'm curious to see what it looks like if posted from this droid-contraption of mine.

anyway, a picture of olivia to start the day! i'm over at my nannying job right now and we're watching tangled =) i've grown to love this little girl. as you can see, she's always on the move, haha.

so, in a bout of bad writer's block i asked on twitter and facebook (via status update and tweet), to suggest some writing topics for me.

i got some good ones and i'll be posting them here when i'm done. in the mean time, here's a list of what they are:

- suicide note, laura chau.
- heartbreak, mike pen.
- polygamy/mcdonald's dollar menu/lysol, gee.
- confusion, bernadette vito.

plus i have a new topic from the writing exercise i'm doing with jonathan (who i lovingly call 'navales').
it's a pretty good one and i'm excitedddd.

and i have a few nwc goodies on the way, yay!

30DAYCHALLENGE--008.

It's the first of the month, everyone!

I can't believe it's already September--this year's been going by quick. Last night I started a little writing exercise & had people give me topics to write about. I'll be posting them up here soon--I'd start tonight but I'll be over at Grand Star Jazz Club in Chinatown to catch the music video release party of Balance and the Traveling Sounds, a band I wrote about a short while ago on Light Meets Night. Yes, I'll be covering the event for the site, along with LMN editor Sothan, and we'll both be equipped with cameras to document. I'm excited to meet the band members and even more stoked to see them live. Yes, they're really that good. Impressed me quite a bit with their Daft Punk cover.

And yes, I've been striking up a relationship with my old lover insomnia again. She's been settling in and keeping me up with stories of how things used to be (before my boyfriend came into my life and sang me lullabies and held me to sleep), trying to convince me to get back with her. As you can kind of tell, I haven't been rejecting the idea and kind of went on a couple dates. I especially love insomnia because she's a freak and always wants to engage in a menage-à-trois with me and creativity. Gotta love the freaks.

Anyway, here's Challenge Number Eight:

allen & amoeba.

i almost forgot i had these pictures.

hung out with my friend allen on a random day.

i like to spontaneously call him up to hang out and do nothing.

we do that quite well.

we went to in-n-out.

went to amoeba (i fucking love that place).

then kinda crashed urban outfitters to break my heart.

30DAYCHALLENGE--007.

7. Your opinion on cheating on people.

Well, I'm incapable of cheating. I can't handle the lying, the splitting of time, the process of covering up things. All the things you have to do that's required when you cheat is just too time consuming, causes too many headaches--plus the heartbreak. Oh man, I don't want to put anyone through anything like that. It's brutal. But, I do see why people do it. I mean, maybe you're not satisfied, maybe you just want the best of everyone's world, maybe you're on an endless search in finding happiness and acceptance in/from someone...maybe. I understand it all but I just can't understand how you can be intimate with two (sometimes even more) people at the same time. I'm pretty sure when you're with one, the thought of another pops up and vice versa. I mean, I can't be intimate (and I don't mean it just in the sexual sense) with two people at the same time. I'm very particular when it comes to human relationships from the start, of course when it comes to giving my heart I'll be even more picky.

And, besides, when I give you my all, I give you my all. I can't divide it, I can't hide certain sides of me depending on what type of person I'm with (either you accept and understand all aspects of me or we end things now and move on).

I understand why people do it. It stems from a lot of things. I understand it all. But I don't approve of it. It's heartbreaking, for the cheater and the cheatee and the person the cheater cheats with, unless that cheater is just a spiteful person and thinks they are entitled to all the love they come across.

It's just really messy. Really hurtful. Actually, it's immense emotional pain.

But it's beautiful when they try to make it right.

30DAYCHALLENGE--006.

6. The person you like and why you like them.
(I know, I've been really bad at keeping up with this, haha)

silly teardrop tattoos done by my friend noah, same night i got my mustache done!

I guess my boyfriend will count as someone I like, although I don't just like the guy. I love him for many reasons, and for no specific reason at all. May sound a little cliche, but I find that statement to be very true. Whenever the question is asked, I can't really give an answer. I just feel giddy and gush about what an amazing person he is and how he makes me feel like I'm walking on clouds. I know, everything I just said normally gets a *barf reaction from me and I hate that it sound so corny but it's true. However, if I really had to list reasons, they would be:

still.

his eyes were deep pools of milk chocolate,
and i would drown in them.
they stared deep into my soul,
causing every molecule,
every atom in this body of mine
to vibrate.

i could lose myself in them for hours.

he gazed at me with such softness,
making me feel as if i were beautiful,
the only thing his attention would be fixed on.

i could lose myself in it for days.

i love you, i'd murmur.
i love you too, he'd reply.

then one day, he left.
he left.

i still don't understand it.

and there was no more of the deep gaze
i would often intoxicate myself upon.
there was no more voice
that eased my insomnia into sleep.
there were no more arms
that held me close at night.
no more.

i woke up alone.

i couldn't breathe.
i didn't want to.
there was nothing more that i wanted,
i didn't need anything else,
i just wanted him.
i still do.

we'll still be friend, he said,
his smile apologetic and unsure.
he killed me. twice.

i died at his goodbye,
and i died at his offer of friendship.

we'll still be friends.

i want to yell,
to reason,
to hold on.

but you can't change a mind that's been made up.

to wait... would he come?
or to forget... can i do it?
a goodbye, an easy way out?

i loved him.
i love him.

and here i am waiting still.