insomnia and cigarettes.

Written on October 27, 2009

It's 12:13 in the morning, and this is just one of the many nights I sit here in front of this contraption, awake as ever. Sleep has eluded me once again, and once again I spend this insomnia unwisely. I can be finishing up an assignment for my scriptwriting class (but it's due next Monday), catching up on my readings for my literature class (but there's no class tomorrow due to the furlough), updating a few personal projects (but I can do that whenever), or organizing my room (but it doesn't look that bad). Yes, yes, I am the Queen of Procrastination, but we all know that already, don't we? (Oh, don't you just hear my voice, drenched in the sweet, dripping sarcasm?)

Sitting here, craving a cigarette, I'm thinking back upon this year instead of doing one of the things I mentioned.

In retrospect, 2009 has been a really weird year so far; it was like an intense roller coaster that's heading towards the end of the ride. I just don't know if I should brace myself for impact or expect a nice halting stop.

First and foremost, what threw me off the most (in a public sense) were all the celebrity deaths that occurred, and are still occurring. We lost a lot of the greatests this year, and at a point they were one after the other.

Then there's all this crazy family shit that happened since the year started. I'd rather not get into that.

Then the realizations about friends and what friendship really means.

Then the self-realizations regarding my past and how it's affecting my present.

Then all the good things came rolling in (i.e. the trip to SF, the jobs, the internship, the work, the inspiration, etc) and also the equally bad to even things out.

This is also the year that I've plunged deeper into my debts, and my accounts will be (or have already been) reported as delinquent and affect my already slowly-diminishing credit.

And it leaves me to wonder...

Where are the sugardaddies when you need them?

-hannahrenee.