thoughts

it's been a while since i've actually sat down here, wanting to translate my private thoughts into words so public. there was a time when they used to flow so freely...now, i have to stop, think, make sure of their arrangement before spilling them out onto the keyboard. what's happened to the aspiring writer who couldn't get through the day without expressing herself?

i find myself here again, the place where everything stands so still, passing the time in contemplation. i realize now that i have lost something i once couldn't bear to live without. even now, this feels a little strange, a little forced, and slightly foreign. somewhere along the way, i got caught up with life and my responsibilities, i got caught up with my relationships with people and the worries that come with living without the support of one's parents that i just...forgot. i lost sight of why i moved out in the first place, i lost sight of the dreams i boldly stepped forward to achieve, and i lost sight of myself.

i am in no way lamenting the loss of person i used to be--with the way life is, finding another current in it's flow is expected; dreams change while goals get rearranged, and we as people are constantly reinventing ourselves. the questions i currently have to face are: who am i now? what do i want? what do i aim to achieve? which path do i choose to take?

and of course, the last one would be: what am i afraid of?