music off, world on

lately, i've been trying out this new thing called "let's leave the ipod at home" while going about my daily commutes. for those of you who use public transportation as a means to get around (due to having no license, no car, etc), you can all agree that having earphones in your ears is the best way to avoid human contact. the world turns into a tv on mute and your sense of hearing is filled with whatever it is you're plugged into. as i've started leaving my ipod behind, i've come to realize just how much we big city folk have grown nonchalant to our surroundings and especially to the people around us. we also have this appalling ability to see right through other human beings, as if they weren't standing right in front of us at all.

it's been about a month since i've abandoned the act of willingly deafening my ears (because, after all, that's exactly what we're doing), soaking up the sounds of the city and the array of culture that walks, breathes, and lives along with me in this amazing city of Los Angeles (along with the many neighboring cities I trek to with my bus card and feet).

i guess i can also say that i've traded in music for words--i've started to really enjoy reading again, after neglecting so many unread books that i've filled my shelves with. just because i started to live life, and thoroughly enjoy it, doesn't mean i shouldn't indulge myself with fiction :)

happy halloween

xo, peterpan & tinkerbell

metamorphosis

maybe one day,
when dust begins to settle
on those memories, finally
stored in the back of my
restless and masochistic mind,
maybe then i'll feel more
beautiful and more worthy
of being here than i really do
in this moment.

maybe one day,
and i hope it's soon,
i'll break free from
this suffocating chrysalis
i've no real idea of how
to rip apart, to shed away.

no, not maybe.
i refuse to rot inside here,
i'm much more determined
now to tear away at this
heavy skin and finally
unfold my wings.

the answer

i'm absolutely obsessed with die antwoord.

they didn't really stick out to me when i first

came across "rich bitch" a year or two ago but

i recently came across "fatty boom boom" and

fucking wow dude.

i

am

OBSESSED.

and, i know, i know.

i'm into some weird shit.

party at the crib

housewarming potluck.

shit is gonna get real, real soon.

making baked pasta with cream cheese

and a cake--i'm so domesticated, whoowhoo

only a fool

those days were
blackened out
and your presence
was only felt through
good morning texts and
phone calls bidding
good nights.

where you were
was just a blur,
it didn't matter,
i didn't want to
wonder, to care.

i was left alone,
with newfound truths
and well-discovered
instances, left alone
with torturous thoughts
of your hands,
her hips,
her breasts,
your lips,
her bed and
the cold you left
in my own.

in those moments,
i swore you were
dead to me,
nothing but a
passing memory,
a lesson, proof of
how weak i can be.

in those moments,
your lies became
transparent,
and i a fool,
gullible and so
willing to forsake
my own reason for
a veneer of security
those three words
provided.

but those moments
of fleeting wisdom
were abolished
from my mind
as soon as
your name appeared
on the screen of my phone.

androgyny

who dat bwoyee?