24.

I've been very silent lately, using my time to rearrange a few things about my life and the contents of what I'm about to share with the world through the internet (coming real soon, I promise!). Finding, or rather making, time for myself and my passions has proved itself to be a bit more of a difficult task than I thought--working full-time drains my days and it's much more easier to succumb to lethargy (shameful of me to say) once I set foot into my home. However, I've been pensive lately, writing lists and setting goals, both long and short term, and I've also been getting quite restless in my own skin as I'm seemingly watching the days go by.

My birthday passed a little over a week ago and I think it finally hit me that I'm nearing a quarter century. Twenty-four seems a little daunting, given where I thought I would be at this age and where I really am now. Before, this would be enough to send me spiraling down, but right now I'm at a place with myself where I understand that this is the ebb and flow of life. Things don't go according to plan, life happens the way it wants to and it's either I learn to adjust to its constant changes or I get left behind.

In retrospect, however, there are things I'm not proud of. Actions that weren't thought through, things I've said fueled by emotion, things I haven't said out of consideration.. Growing and maturing is a painstaking process, and it's hard having to constantly keep reminding yourself to move forward and on, to realize that you need to cut certain things and people out of your life in order to do so. Life's too short for you to worry about things and/or people who don't do anything for your own growth.

I'm not going to sit here and type out some profound entry on how gaining a year to my age has helped me figure shit out. I'm nowhere close to figuring my life out, or even myself at that. To be honest, thinking about what the future holds scares the fuck out of me. But I know what I'm going to work towards, I clearly see who I want to be by the next couple of years and I also know that I'm more than capable of rolling with whatever right hook or roundhouse kick life might have in store for me.

Right now, I'm thankful that I've lived to see another year. Right now, I thank the universe for granting me another breath to fill my lungs and I thank the sun and the moon and the stars for the strength I've found in myself, much thanks to the nights I've been through.

a little reminder

"we all have good days and bad days.

no one has the perfect life we think they lead.

we revel in things that make us happy and are

inspired to be better to the people we love,

but we also get annoyed with ourselves over

our faults and occasionally show fits of

anger or jealousy.

it's okay to be upset or frustrated,

just like it's okay to be happy and in love.

feel everything.

you can't sustain if you always try to

be perfect for everyone around you.

show moments of weakness, be inconsistent,

and throw an occasional tantrum when everything

just happens to go wrong on the same day...

but wake up the next morning and try to

improve one thing, no matter how tiny

or insignificant it may be.

we can't control everything that happens to us,

but we can change how we happen to others."

words of wisdom from a certain fog i love.

via @karlthefog

habits

some habits are formed from when we're very young,
while others become a part of us as we grow.
there are good ones and bad ones,
ones that benefit you and ones you can really do without.
most times, they gradually become a part of your life
without you even thinking twice about it.

pause

so many words swirl in my mind but i don't have the urge to speak them.

there was a time when i longed to be heard, longed to feel like i mattered and that i made a difference, an impact, in the lives of those who walked in and out of my life. nowadays, i'm no longer desperate for acknowledgement and i don't care much for what others think of my thoughts and actions, much less care whether or not i resonate in the memories of people i myself am beginning to forget.

maybe i can say that i owe it all to time, to my growth, and to the recent experiences i have gained in my days of living. i can't quite put a finger on the way that i have been feeling and the introspections i have made as of late, but i can definitely say that i'm on a good path with myself.

lately, i've been experiencing a dry spell with my creativity but today i've felt a resurgence of my passions. i'm excited to see how the plans i've made with a few friends begin to unfold and manifest themselves.

it's also the beginning of the second phase of 2013. this year, as i keep saying in past posts, have been nothing short of amazing so far and the remaining six months look very promising as well!

changes. lots of them, and they couldn't have come at a more perfect time.

we were just fools sitting under the setting sun

pushing and pulling, ever ready to jump the gun.

long time no blog

excuse the mosquito bite on my forehead, they feasted on my blood when i went camping in sequoia!

hello everyone! it's been a while, hasn't it?

i hope this blogpost finds everyone in good health and great times. in the month and a half that i've been silent, not much has happened. well, i lied, a lot has happened. as i've said in earlier posts, this year so far has been the most eventful in my now twenty-three-and-a-half years of life. i've met loads of new people, made new friends, my days and nights have been filled with amazing company and i love the direction my life is taking when regarding the relationships i have and i am currently treasuring and nurturing. this year has also been the most expensive in spending so far, but i ain't mad--you get what you pay for.

right now, i'm at a place in my life where i'm welcoming change--a change of pace, a change of means to reach the ends, and definitely a change of character. throughout this year, my eyes have opened to many new truths and i am adjusting myself to adapt. there's been a lot of time spent in introspection and (as cliché as it may sound) i'm nowhere near the woman i want to be but i'm well on my way towards her.

a lot of change, brewing inside of me and gurgling outside in my daily life..i'm excited! and i haven't really been shooting much or even partaking in my artistic interest, i kind of lost the groove but i'll be hopping back into soon. sometimes it just feels awesome to take a break and live.

so, until next time, à bientôt!

daphne guinness

yes, yes, she is the direct heiress to the 18th century beer the i love so much.

she is also an artist, socialite, and muse to many designers and artists as well.

i know her best as the muse to the amazing alexander mcqueen (all hail mcqueen!)

i recently found out that her mother was an artist and muse to man ray and dali,

who were daphne's neighbors growing up when her family spent the holidays

in spain.. just imagine! maybe that was the precursor to this woman's surreal

and utterly divine sense of fashion. can you believe she's forty-five?!?!

spiritual retreat

i've been quite taken by the beauty of this place,

and the photos i'm about to share are from my first visit

to joshua tree national park--just two hours away from los angeles.

since this trip we took on a random tuesday in january,
we've all made it a point to go at least once a month.
things get better with each and every visit!

it's always good to take a break from the city every now and then
fill your lungs with better air, take in everything you can with your senses
unplug from society and just go out there to explore the unfamiliar

let's all tune into the universe and reach for our inner indigo child.

queen of procrastination

these days i'm always having to catch up with stuff

like my 2D design color theory midterm-project

(that got blown away in the wind on monday -__-),

all those pictures of joshua tree i wanted to post up,

and editing the photos from past shoots that i haven't touched..

school and work has kind of cluttered my mind as well as..

oh, you know..

back to black

because black seems to dominate my wardrobe

because my attachment to this bodysuit is borderline obsessive

because i'm so happy now that i can tie my awkward mess of hair back

i've dawdled the hours away on mad men and google

now it's time to head out and explore the neighborhood park

(which i haven't stepped foot in since moving to the area)

thoughts

it's been a while since i've actually sat down here, wanting to translate my private thoughts into words so public. there was a time when they used to flow so freely...now, i have to stop, think, make sure of their arrangement before spilling them out onto the keyboard. what's happened to the aspiring writer who couldn't get through the day without expressing herself?

i find myself here again, the place where everything stands so still, passing the time in contemplation. i realize now that i have lost something i once couldn't bear to live without. even now, this feels a little strange, a little forced, and slightly foreign. somewhere along the way, i got caught up with life and my responsibilities, i got caught up with my relationships with people and the worries that come with living without the support of one's parents that i just...forgot. i lost sight of why i moved out in the first place, i lost sight of the dreams i boldly stepped forward to achieve, and i lost sight of myself.

i am in no way lamenting the loss of person i used to be--with the way life is, finding another current in it's flow is expected; dreams change while goals get rearranged, and we as people are constantly reinventing ourselves. the questions i currently have to face are: who am i now? what do i want? what do i aim to achieve? which path do i choose to take?

and of course, the last one would be: what am i afraid of?

in my next life, i hope i can be the wind

free, flowing and at times a force to be reckoned with

lightly caressing all those living, kissing their skin with a cool breeze

and carrying the familiar scent of a lover long forgotten as i dance through sun-streaked hair

confessions, part one

when people ask me to show them my work,

i get a little nervous and a bit embarrassed of what

is available to show them. mainly because it's just your

typical "pretty face in great location" type shit and it's

nowhere close to the artistic vision i have for my photography.

i can't wait until i have the time to execute all these plans in my head.

kiss the sound and pound your senses

because i love deep house. because this song gets me groovin'. because it reminds me of manic monday. because i've pretty much had it on repeat. & because i haven't made a music post in a while.

beyond wonderland

i know it's only march, but 2013 has been a

very eventful year thus far: trips to joshua tree

once, even twice, a month. random nights spent

with great company. a weekend up north, an EDM

event, and work + school in between! it's definitely

been nonstop fun since welcoming the year of the snake.

last weekend, my friend at insomniac hooked me and the man

up with a couple of guest wristbands for beyond wonderland.

it was definitely a new way of experiencing a rave--backstage

access? free drinks? AND ACCESSIBLE BATHROOMS?!

if heaven had raves, that is what it would be like.

queen's domain, standing VIP

a weekend in SF

from LA to the bay, march 8-10

beautiful bay bridge

  The Bay Lights - Artist Rendering 2 from Words Pictures Ideas on Vimeo.

this makes me that much more excited about the weekend.

ex-dreamer

i'm no stranger to living vicariously through the internet &

when i was younger, i used to live in my head, encased in my dreams

rather than facing my reality--times were hard back then, and my

imagination was definitely a far better place than what i woke up to.

but now, now life is far better than anything i used to fantasize over

there's nothing i want to forget, nothing i want to do over,

nor do i wish i were someone else in a faraway land.

i'm perfectly content right here, right now, and

bless the universe, it just feels so fucking amazing.

fashioning fashion

A gift from an amazing employer. Thank you!

good morning

i haven't been around this in a while

everything's amazing, i'm feeling cosmic

made three trips to joshua tree so far this year and

the latest one was for the beau's twenty-seven.

great times with even better company in the most awe inspiring place!

trying to be patient with my hair as i try to grow it out,

and i've been more scatter-brained than usual as of late..

honestly, i just want to go back to joshua tree!

but i'm definitely looking forward to our upcoming SF trip--

soon enough i'll be home sweet home, even if it's just for a weekend.

i have a ton of pictures to share!

but as for now i'm keeping to myself,

gonna enjoy the days without wanting to constantly

freeze-frame moments to suspend them in time.

because, sometimes, pictures don't do enough.

a machine can't quite capture things to the way our

eyes perceive the world around us, and believe me--

there is just so much beauty that we take for granted.

anyway, have a wonderful day, and i'll leave you with one of my favorites:

2:41AM, thoughts on the toilet

Yes, I just went there. I'm indeed sitting on the toilet as my wide thumbs vigorously type its way along the iPhone keyboard. Sitting here, in the silence of the bathroom as the end if tonight draws near, I can't help but to think about existence.

We are all here temporarily, and we are so minuscule in comparison to Mother Earth. Why do we continue to destroy nature and enslave ourselves to the (ridiculously absurd) idea of property? One can never own anything. Does anyone else realize that we live to just dig deeper and deeper into debt?

in coffee i trust

click to view my portfolio

today, i finally got around to editing the plethora of pictures i have from recent (and past) shoots that were left pretty much untouched since loading them into my laptop. i definitely have to credit, and thank, the caffeine god for the day's productivity--i even got around to updating my cargocollective account with (properly sized) images of mimi and adding another folder for gee. i also have to thank melissa de mata--if it weren't for her indirect guidance i wouldn't have known about this awesome website. i've been searching for a while to find a place i can neatly display my photos for everyone to see. now, voila! hope you guys enjoy looking through these and yes, i'll be adding more. :)

i've been pretty inspired lately and i can't wait to execute the ideas i have for future shoots!

existence

because we're all stardust,

amazing beings of light that

carry with us the imprint of

our emotions and the love

we fill our hearts with.

because we're a connected

network of subconsciousness

who can move through mountains

with just the sheer power of our minds.

and because we are energy,

unable to be created, destroyed--

only displaced--and if the spark

of our soul goes out then soon

you will find another one

shining brighter than the last.

eye of horus

i started my fifty-two self-portrait series today,

one self-portrait for every week of the year.

my obsession for the eye of horus manifested itself

inside me again as i revisited egyptian mythology.

i've also begun to find makeup very fascinating...

just checking in

hiyo! hope january has been treating everyone well.

everything is amazing here on my end, it's been a very

rewarding and inspiring month so far--i'm feeling really good!

flashback

every now and then, i look back on all my 

old writing as a form of visitation to the past.

i do it, sometimes, to remind myself of

all the things i've went through, good and bad.

or i do it, more often than not, to see whether or not my

demons of old still affect me in the same way that they used to..

it's a bit masochistic but it helps me to deal, helps me to be a little more

apathetic to the things that wounded or scarred me.

but mostly i do it to compare how much time

either changed me or kept me the same.

this morning, i entertained my urge to look into

an old wordpress account of mine, an account

i had actively written in during darker times and

freely used as a form of therapy and outlet

for my frustrations and..wait for it..heartbreak.

re-reading all the posts--public, private and password protected,

i was a little struck by the nakedness of my words.

raw emotions. so many strings of words put together

by everything i was feeling--pure and unfiltered.

it's quite amazing how all that was translated into writing.

i don't write as much as i should like to anymore,

and i feel that my writing would never be the same as it once was.

it makes perfect sense as to why that is--i'm not driven by

a slew of such passionate emotions and i've already come to terms

with the fact that i am a better writer when influenced by tragedy..

but i can't help but to wonder if that was something i just pigeon-holed myself in.

like crispy pata

feeling pretty burnt out today.

skater boys

yesterday i ended up locking myself out of my apartment

when my friend noah and tony came to pick me up for some coffee

over at the bourgeois pig in my neighborhood (coffee & $1 pool games?!).

guess i got too excited to see a couple of old friends, haha.
it was a nice surprise when a couple more joined us later in the day.

flickr

finally using this after sitting on it for a couple of years.

hi all, i'm starting a 365!

my friend catherine

hair

I never understood why the majority of females are so attached to their hair. It's obvious from the picture above (that's only during 2009 to 2012!) that I am very fickle with my own locks, and gathering from my many hair posts on this here blog you can tell that I am also very impatient with the process of growing it out. Now that I think about it, I guess it's because of the fact that my mom was studying cosmetology when I was younger. Growing up, I've had perms, pixie cuts, bobs, waves, streaks, highlights...I was my mom's living, breathing hair mannequin--maybe that shaped my hair-fickle ways. The fact that I have very thick and heavy hair probably added onto it as well; I'd often be plagued with massive headaches due to the weight of my hair, especially during hot weather. In any case, I have no hesitation when it comes to haircuts. If anything, it's a tendency if mine to cut my hair pixie-short after growing it out for a year or two. Honestly, it's a pretty exhilarating feeling! I absolutely love taking risks with my physical appearance.

2KAY13

Without fail, I'm late with my New Year's greeting yet again. Think I've pretty much made it somewhat of a tradition--it ain't New Year's if Hannah isn't missing from the family get-together of dduk-gook (to gain another year full of luck) and Sae-bae dohn (the juhl included). Seems I'm not doing much to ease that filial guilt that plagues me. What am I gonna do with myself?

And yes, my guilt grows deeper with the fact that I rang in the New Year indulging in the same, almost-abandoned vice of mine and that I really missed the family tradition because I was reeling from the after affects of the damned thing. Heck, I guess I've been served a poetic justice since I spent this whole week in the fetal position with my head next to the trash can and my stomach unhesitant to empty itself of its contents. Way to go, cosmic energies of the universe. I applaud you. *claps hands slowly*

BUT, even though I rang in 2013 in similar fashion of 2011, I have a strong sense of faith in myself. I've neglected my self-discipline and indomitable spirit (국기백절불굴!) that I prided myself so much for--it's high time I got off my lazy, unmotivated ass to finally do the things I love and can't live without!

2012 was a year of passivity and stand-still. I can't believe I really wasted three hundred and sixty-five days of just barely going through the motions--fucking pathetic!

2KAY13. It's cliché as fuck when people exclaim that the new year will be theirs, but that's how I feel about this one. A new chapter in my life, a fresh start, a chance to reinvent myself and fill its blank pages with many more memories and experiences.

I don't believe in resolutions, so I'm just going to say this: let this year be a year full of travel. Of taking risks. Of being fearless. Of following my heart and ignoring my over-analytical head. And of course, let this year be full of love, joy, friends and laughter!

Oh, well, I guess I do have one resolution this year. GET MY DRIVER'S LICENSE BEFORE FEBRUARY!

So happy New Year's, everyone! I hope this year is filled with amazing adventures for each and every one of you.