Wednesday, December 19, 2012

emotions

it's a little psychological fact
that all emotional pain lasts for only twelve minutes.
anything longer than that is self-inflicted.

i don't quite know how to take this newfound knowledge.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

ramen, ramen

before my short shoot with my friend catherine,
she took me to a ramen spot in echo park that blew me away.
seriously, i think this place is way better than daikokuya in little tokyo,
but that's just me.

she got the vegetable ramen

i got the spicy chicken tonkatsu ramen,
and because i'm a fatass i made mine a combo
and it came with

a small salad with their own dressing

and a spicy tuna bowl (a choice among three)

and since it's another gray day,
i think i'll go there again for some damn good noodles.

Friday, December 14, 2012

flock shop, los angeles



When I came across this cute little store in Chinatown, I instantly fell in love. From toys to flasks, sunglasses to restored vintage dresses, jewelry to art prints, this store had it all! Located in the Old Chinatown Central Plaza, Flock Shop is the physical manifestation of Etsy.com. Its owners are Michelle and Chad Corros, the husband-and-wife duo who strive to keep the arts and the culture of locally made goods alive and well.

Flock Shop's doors first opened in August 2007 and has been maintaining relationships with local artists, providing the public with a beautiful, not to mention absolutely unique, array of merchandise. Doubling as a gallery space and store front, Flock Shop is the place where artists can display, and also sell, their artistry and fruits of their labor. Much like the artists whose creations are showcased in this adorable location, Michelle and Chad both created and renovated the whole space themselves, making Flock Shop (which was once a storage unit) what it is today! I got a chance to sit with Michelle and Chad to get to know them, and the store, a little better. Click the jump to read the interview!

fedora head




stuck in a cubicle for the last three hours of work.
then it's another three hours spent in a meeting,
and it's fine with me because they're gonna feed us.




Friday, December 7, 2012

late nights

there's been a resurgence in me
and a restlessness has settled in my soul,
filling me with an eagerness i haven't felt
in a long while.

now, it's not a nightmarish insomnia
that plagues me from my dance with sleep.
now, it's a desire to create that fuels me and
satisfies my being.

tonight's no different, i find myself
wide awake, filled with inspiration and
a need to satiate this thirst--
i'm excited to see where it takes me
while i turn away from slumber once again.

Monday, November 26, 2012

we've got mail


my friend laura traveled through the mail!
received a housewarming gift and a lovely letter.


thank you!
we've misplaced the mailbox key for a while,
which is why i'm just now posting this, haha.
expect something in your own box real soon <3

Saturday, November 24, 2012

spanksgiving


thanksgivingtaking, my favorite time of year!
let's just ignore the fact that the pilgrims totally
took advantage of the natives' welcoming hearts
and focus on the important part of this historic day.

the food.

yes, yes, gluttony is my favorite deadly sin so
how can i not be in love with this bullshit holiday?
besides, america is the only country where you can
stampede into a store and trample people the day after
you give thanks for whatever it is you feel thankful for.

america, for the win!

anyway, this year's thankstaking was a pretty busy one. my parents', my grandma's, sean's dad's and then we went to drop off t-day food to our friend bernadette's since she worked a double (bless her soul, it ain't t-day without good food and great company) and then went to our friends' the ramboyongs to say hello and watch a documentary on the court rivalry of larry bird and earvin "magic" johnson--that was a really good documentary! i'm kind of sad we left before we could finish it. and can i just say that black friday is completely overrated? because it really is. DOWN WITH CAPITALISM AND BULLSHIT CONSUMERISM!!! then we headed over to sean's mom's for dinner and ended up getting sucked into a twilight marathon with his little siblings (they popped my Twilight cherry, haha).

now, it's saturday but it feels like a sunday and my sense of time is really skewed. i think i gained twenty pounds from being a gluttonous fool but i was seriously in heaven. i'm really excited for thankstaking dinner over at sean's step-father's family's later on today and i'm seriously excited about this cheddar-spam, rice and eggs i'm about to cook. and then we're gonna watch some more twilight (eclipse and breaking dawn pt. 1) back over at the mccall's and i guess tomorrow noon we're gonna watch the second part in theaters??

maybe it's because i was pretty drunk on beaucoup vino,
but i really didn't mind the twilight movies so much, haha.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

time


i went to go see my parents and my little brother today after work. i don't think i ever fully realized just how much time has passed--looking at the three of them, it hit me that we're all aging. my fourteen year old brother is going through adolescence, i'm here learning how to shed the foolishness of youth, my father (who used to stand defiant and full of strength) is now aged and his back isn't so rigidly straight anymore, and my mother, the matriarch, tired and wise all at the same time. it seems so strange, because to my eyes they still look like they're in their late thirties, early forties, but every now and then i'll catch a glimpse of the years they weathered. i guess we as our parents' children have a fixed perception of this thing called time when it comes to our family--we forget that as we grow, so do our makers.

right now, i'm trying to figure out how to deal with this realization, especially since my father's ill. seeing him, this man who would strike so much fear into my intimidated heart, seeing him so thin and vulnerable...i never thought he'd ever seem so small to me. ever. in my life. and being faced with this, that looming thought that i subconsciously ignore hits me like lightning: my parents are human. and they age right along with me. and honestly, they may not have much longer.

to imagine a world without the very people who brought you into this world, who raised you, taught you from right and wrong, who provided for you, sacrificed so much for you, who give and give and give and give.. i'd be lying if i said that i'm not horribly and utterly frightened by it.

to be honest, i'm scared shitless.

Monday, November 12, 2012

the weather outside is weather


hi everyone.
it's november.
day's are colder.

i can't wait for thanksgiving.




Friday, November 9, 2012

indian school, behind the scenes


a few months ago, i helped out my friend chris hawley with stylings and such on an album cover photoshoot for the band indian school. for those of you who haven't heard of them, they were formerly audio karate, and i'm sure that band name throws you back into the golden days of indie rock, when girls had big hair and raccoon-lined eyes and the boys wore tight shirts and even tighter jeans.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

music off, world on

lately, i've been trying out this new thing called "let's leave the ipod at home" while going about my daily commutes. for those of you who use public transportation as a means to get around (due to having no license, no car, etc), you can all agree that having earphones in your ears is the best way to avoid human contact. the world turns into a tv on mute and your sense of hearing is filled with whatever it is you're plugged into. as i've started leaving my ipod behind, i've come to realize just how much we big city folk have grown nonchalant to our surroundings and especially to the people around us. we also have this appalling ability to see right through other human beings, as if they weren't standing right in front of us at all.

it's been about a month since i've abandoned the act of willingly deafening my ears (because, after all, that's exactly what we're doing), soaking up the sounds of the city and the array of culture that walks, breathes, and lives along with me in this amazing city of Los Angeles (along with the many neighboring cities I trek to with my bus card and feet).


i guess i can also say that i've traded in music for words--i've started to really enjoy reading again, after neglecting so many unread books that i've filled my shelves with. just because i started to live life, and thoroughly enjoy it, doesn't mean i shouldn't indulge myself with fiction :)

happy halloween


xo, peterpan & tinkerbell

Friday, October 26, 2012

metamorphosis

maybe one day,
when dust begins to settle
on those memories, finally
stored in the back of my
restless and masochistic mind,
maybe then i'll feel more
beautiful and more worthy
of being here than i really do
in this moment.

maybe one day,
and i hope it's soon,
i'll break free from
this suffocating chrysalis
i've no real idea of how
to rip apart, to shed away.

no, not maybe.
i refuse to rot inside here,
i'm much more determined
now to tear away at this
heavy skin and finally
unfold my wings.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

the answer


i'm absolutely obsessed with die antwoord.
they didn't really stick out to me when i first
came across "rich bitch" a year or two ago but
i recently came across "fatty boom boom" and
fucking wow dude.

i
am
OBSESSED.

and, i know, i know.
i'm into some weird shit.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

party at the crib


housewarming potluck.
shit is gonna get real, real soon.
making baked pasta with cream cheese
and a cake--i'm so domesticated, whoowhoo

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

only a fool

those days were
blackened out
and your presence
was only felt through
good morning texts and
phone calls bidding
good nights.

where you were
was just a blur,
it didn't matter,
i didn't want to
wonder, to care.

i was left alone,
with newfound truths
and well-discovered
instances, left alone
with torturous thoughts
of your hands,
her hips,
her breasts,
your lips,
her bed and
the cold you left
in my own.

in those moments,
i swore you were
dead to me,
nothing but a
passing memory,
a lesson, proof of
how weak i can be.

in those moments,
your lies became
transparent,
and i a fool,
gullible and so
willing to forsake
my own reason for
a veneer of security
those three words
provided.

but those moments
of fleeting wisdom
were abolished
from my mind
as soon as
your name appeared
on the screen of my phone.

Friday, October 5, 2012

androgyny


who dat bwoyee?

samson and delilah

i loved running my fingers
through your raven hair,
my hands swimming
in the waves it curled itself into,
far more beautiful than
my own head of
tangled, straight mess.
it's a little unfair that you were
blessed with better hair than me--
what did a man need with a
pretty mane, anyway?
i loved the way those
shiny curlicues cascaded
down your shoulders,
but much like them you seemed
to swim in a current only
you knew the flow of.
you were like my own samson,
but instead of strength it was
heartbreak you gave me,
and to make you mine
i had to become delilah.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

korean pride


FIRST. EVER. DAY. &. DATE. KOREA. &. USA. RELEASE.
why did i just find out about this?! duuuuuuude, i'm way too stoked right now.

this is a great fucking year for korea, i love it!

debate night


this picture is from last night, at the PCC campus center. it got pretty packed for the first of two presidential debates this year and though i was only able to watch the first thirty minutes of it, it was very interesting. i didn't really want to go to class, haha. now, i'm not as political as i once was, and i haven't been keeping my eye on the political weather as much as i used to (ex-political science major here), but that doesn't mean i'm not keen on what's going on. election day is right around the corner and though i don't believe our votes really count for much (anyone know what the electoral college is?), and it's true i've lost a lot of faith in our system of government (down with capitalism!) but after what i've been hearing/reading on mitt romney (and seeing him on that jumbo screen last night), i couldn't help but to laugh (really, republicans? why do your candidates get more and more evasive and more dense every presidential race?). i wasn't really planning on voting, but after watching a bit of the debate last night, i think i just might have to contribute.

but imagine, just imagine, that no one voted in this country? just imagine that everyone was just so fed up with the way things are and where they seem to be going, that not a single person voted, as a form of uprise against the current state of government? that...i think that would be the most astounding thing to witness and be a part of.

Friday, September 28, 2012

growing up

"Adolescence is a time where you act upon your impulse and you leave the tangled knots as is, ignoring loose ends. Adulthood is a time when intuition and reason mix, and I'm not ready for that just yet."
I wrote that when I was just about to turn eighteen, when I thought I was grown just because I was old enough to buy my own cigarettes. Eighteen. Reading the entries eighteen year old Hannah wrote in an old diary, she seems a lot wiser than twenty-three year old me right now. Though, of course, it's different when it comes to how things played out; back then, I thought I knew the world and I thought I knew what it meant to be an adult, to be grown. Back then, I lived inside my head, wrapped around in the shell of my unpleasant and unfortunate experiences, and I analyzed and thought I understood what it meant to be grown without really paying my dues to the growing process.

I guess it's slightly true, what I wrote about adolescence. In retrospect, I was such an impulsive creature, and I couldn't tell the difference between speaking up and speaking out. I've tangled so many knots and just cut them free without even bothering to try to smooth things out, and heaven knows just how many loose ends I've just let hang.

It seems fitting that I came across this old diary of mine, and it's so fitting that this particular line caught my attention. For the past couple weeks, I've been looking into myself, rearranging and discarding a few things here and there, slowly realizing that I wasn't ever so far away from being an adolescent all this time. I kept speaking out when all I needed was to speak up, I kept rebelling with no real cause, and I kept displaying an array of false confidence, like a vain peacock, taking on such a misogynistic air (what an oxymoron!). Through these two weeks of introspection, I realized that I was still acting like I needed to prove something, still acting like I was bound by social and cultural obligations and norms. What a dramatic teen!

I don't think I've ever seen her, the woman I want to be, so clearly. I don't know why it just dawned on me to do the things I've already known for so long to get to her. I guess, I still love to learn things the hard way.

So, here's to me, finally ready to mix intuition and reason. To finally untangling knots and tying loose ends. However, I don't think I'll ever really stop acting on impulse, but I guess it's not really an impulse when you contemplate the action for a couple days after the urge, haha.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

carly rose sonenclar


i have been blown away by this little girl! so much soul, so much power, at such a young age! feeling good by nina simone is seriously a hard song to cover, and wow is all i can really say. i even got a little teary! she reminds me of christina aguilera a little, with so much range and jesus fuck such a powerful voice...let's just hope she doesn't end up the same as xtina.

space


I saw your face in the crowd last night, I saw your face for the slightest glimpse of a second too short. I hoped it was my mind playing a terrible trick on me, malicious with its intent to agonize my heart, but it was really you. Who can ever forget those brown eyes, that crooked smile of yours that added to your own personal charm...I know I couldn't. I can't, and it torments me.

Though I wanted to see you again, more than anything, I wish I hadn't. Now, my thoughts are filled with you, of us, of what we had and what we used to know, and without realizing I'm scanning my surroundings for you. Wherever I go. Because, foolishly, I'm hoping to see you again, by luck, chance, fate, whatever force, cosmic or not, I have on my side. I didn't realize until last night, when my eyes fell on a glimpse of you and my heart jumped up to my throat, just how much I miss you still, how much I haven't let go, forgotten, how much I yearned for you. Your voice, your gaze, your crooked, charming smile, and your touch. Of all things about you, I wanted to hear your laugh again while you held me close as I snuggled up to abolish what little space there was between us.

Space. Almost instantaneously there were miles between us as soon as the word escaped your lips while we sat just a coffee table's length away. Soon enough, there was no more shared closet, your toothbrush was gone and the nights we spent cozily spooning while drifting off into sleep was no more. Your side of the bed turned cold, empty. Then, there were episodes of pride between us that turned those miles into lightyears, my ego in the way of the matters of my heart, and I continued to busy myself in appearing okay, alive without you. I was too busy pretending that I became numb, and seeing you again, quick as it was, brought a wave of feeling over me that I don't know how to handle. I feel young, foolish, full of regret and vulnerable all over.

I saw your face in the crowd last night, and I saw the girl that made you smile your crooked smile, the smile that I still love and cherish, and I realized that the lightyears of space between us didn't exist anymore, because the world we had, the world I couldn't let go of, ceased to exist for you.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

FYGWSH


i'm on my way to being tumblr famous!
haha, not really. but i submitted and now
my image is circulating around the tumblr
universe (kinda cool!). i absolutely love this
blog, hair inspiration and beauty galore!

Monday, September 24, 2012

went tres fou

smart went crazy, truth went trendy,
the story got lazy so i rewrote the ending.

smart went crazy, the rubber band went snap,
this goes to those who hold it down 'til i get back.
hold on to me, grow along with me, i don't know
where i'm going but i'll end up in your arms.

Friday, September 21, 2012

feelin' red


i've been drawn to the color red lately
and since i've cut my hair, i haven't left
the house without donning matte red
lipstick from nars. funny how i always
feel more feminine whenever i chop off
the puffy lion's mane i have on my head.

and hooray for me using my camera again,
though it was to entertain the little vanity i have.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

sunset boulevard


joe: i didn't know you were making a comeback.
norma: i hate that word. it's a return, a return to the millions of people who's never forgiven me for deserting the screen.

Monday, September 17, 2012

birthday wishes

i just want to take this time out to thank everyone for their birthday greetings and well wishes! every one of you are amazing, i definitely felt all the love around me. i do want to apologize for not thanking you guys sooner; i'm afraid i'm just barely recovering from the most wildest birthday weekend i've ever had in my life! from truck stop (best. experience. ever.), to last night's korean barbeque, the intoxication and "oh fuck, why did we do that?" didn't end. now it's monday, i'm so worn out and i really wonder how i used to do this every damn weekend for the most part of 2010. gahdamn, i really must be getting old.

happy monday, everyone, and thank you for celebrating with me :)

oh, and ps, i totally fell in love with this video over the weekend.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

used books


i went to one of my favorite used book stores, which i now live very close to (thanks to the recent move into a new place) and i went ahead and indulged. i absolutely love this place, and i bought most of these books for less than a dollar (heaven, if you ask me).

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

gangnam style


i heard gangnam style on the radio today,
and i'm not gonna go on about how genius psy is
and rant about the deeper meaning of this song + video.
all i'm gonna say is that i'm proud that kpop finally brokethrough
into american pop culture after years and years of trying and falling short
and also that i find it highly ironic that psy was the one to succeed what the
rest of the cookie-cutter kpop celebrities couldn't, despite all the $$ their labels spent.

if you really want to know what "gangnam style" is, click here.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Wednesday, September 5, 2012


this is me, right now, puffy-eyed and half-awake,
lying on my stomach doing homework i've neglected
in just a mere two hours before i have to leave the house for
a 1.5 hour metro commute i have to make to get to school.

right now, i wish i had a desk, and i'm thinking that
maybe i should just miss out today and fight this sore throat +
cold combination i feel coming on like the trickling sense of
dread you feel when you wake up in the same clothes you wore
last night in a place you don't recognize next to a plastic bag.
i mean, not that that's happened to me but, you know, one can imagine.

and...is it really drizzling right now?!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

change

new school semester,
new apartment,
new layout.

update soon!

Sunday, August 26, 2012

the sound of music

It's kind of amazing how things trigger a memory you've forgotten about. A whiff of a certain cologne can throw you back into a memory of a boy you used to craze over, or a visit to a certain place can bring a flood of feeling into you while you remember what occurred in that exact location. I've noticed I experience this phenomena quite a bit depending on what songs are pushing through my earphones, as well as the fact that I come to my greatest realizations whenever my mind is absolutely blank.

I was listening to my Disco playlist on Pandora when almost every song that came on totally took me back to my younger days, days when I felt closer to my family, despite all the things that were going on back then. I remembered the time my dad taught me how to do the Hustle, or when he'd sing along to the BeeGees. Or when my mom would happily sing Abba songs and the four of us would all dance as if we were the most normal and happiest family in the world. I remembered that at one point I felt that we were the richest when it came to laughter and family closeness.

Then it hit me that I've been too caught up with the bad memories I may or may not have exaggerated to justify my disregard towards my family. True, there had been dark times, but in my anger it seems that I've forgotten that we had great times. Golden times. Times that are now few and far in between and I can't help but to feel totally responsible for the rift.

I'm currently going through a number of different emotions as this realization is settling in and I'm trying to find a way to readjust myself. I'm filled with an immense sense of guilt and am a little depressed that I can't seem to successfully find a way to reconcile my Korean sense of filial devotion with my American cultural surroundings and (gasp) assimilation. I just can't seem to find a right balance.

How does one apologize to their parents for being selfish? For being blinded by anger? How does one explain to their immigrant Korean parents that one has lived one's life rebelling because one felt completely torn between two (very opposing) cultures? And one can't help but to wonder, is this the price that a first generation has to pay in order to become an American?

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

camera shy

i need a camera to my eye, remindin'
which lies i've been hiding, which echoes belong

i've noticed that i've been kind of shying away from using my Nikon (i don't even carry it with me everywhere anymore), from sharing all the snapshots of moments i've captured onto the 8g memory card. they're all just sitting there, waiting patiently on the desktop of sean's mac (which i use for the amazing retina display and the cs5) to be edited and published somewhere, anywhere. to be really honest, i've been in a reclusive mood, not wanting to share more than what i share on my instagram account (which i haven't really been on as often as i normally am).

i'll be sharing the bits of my life and the world around me soon, but for now i'm reveling in the fact that i don't have this incessant need to make every moment a tangible one. after all, the memories that aren't captured onto some kind of memory space are especially golden.

Monday, August 13, 2012

laguna


it felt good to be at the beach,
i haven't been to one in a long time.
it's kind of strange how a place i've
only been to a handful of times can
make me feel so many different emotions.

i'm also really happy that i finally
had my roscoe's fix after dealing with
vicious cravings for about six months.

Friday, August 10, 2012

ginger crush


i thought la roux's cover of the rolling stones' song was cute!
whatever happened to this electropop duo, anyway?
can i just tell you that i have the biggest crush on elly jackson?
her androgyny and her ambiguity (two of my favorite words) intrigue me.

plus, i have a major thing for gingers.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

meilleur amis

it seems a little unfair that we as people categorize our friends based on our closeness to them, especially for me since 1) i keep a tight-knit group and 2) i'm pretty close to every single one of them because 3) i'm not frivolous when it comes to giving out the title of "friend". but, in observance of national best friend day, i'd like to take a little time out to dedicate a post to the three friends that have consistently been there for me through the thickest and thinnest of times. without them, i would have been a damn mess.


this is geoff, better known as gee. we share a passion for music, city life and hats and it's a given that we're fiercely loyal to each other. we also puzzle over small-minded behavior while ridiculing that mentality. gee over here knows me best and i love that we can talk about anything and everything, and i think he's the only one who really sees my political side, as well as my philosophical. i love how our friendship remains the same, if not deeper, even though there are times when we don't really talk or hang out much. he's recently moved up to the bay, painting SF red whenever he's out and about and i'm so happy that he's out there doing his thing and i'm jealous all at the same time because he's living in the city we both love (not as much as la though, lol). i miss him so much and i can't wait until i go visit him up there.

Monday, August 6, 2012

vince the barber


check out the interview here
look through the photos here

lots of new opportunities have
come my way and i'm taking this
time to kind of bask in my own
personal achievements as well as
crossing out a few goals on my list
and replacing them with new ones.

i've been really silent and inconsistent
on this here blog of mine but it's all
for a good reason; please bear with me.
i'm exploding like fireworks on the
inside as well as adjusting to some major changes.

i'll spill the milk and beans real soon.

until then,
live, love and laugh.
hannahrenee

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

glory box


give me a reason to be a woman.


this is the beginning of forever and ever.

Monday, July 23, 2012

prohibition

something's been brewing inside of me,
scribbling my thoughts and soaking me with doubt.
i'm repeating the same mistakes i kept making,
pushing when they pull, my cruelty resurfacing, all the while
regretting the harsh things i said and trying to come to terms with myself.

i feel too much,
and i feel nothing at all at the same time,
how does one deal with such contradiction?

all i know is that i'm staying away from alcohol,
for a while, at least until i've learned how to cope with
my current state of being.

but, i should also make clear that i'm okay,
i know i will be.. mostly thanks to him.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

you are greatly missed


i can't believe that today marks the second year that you were taken from us, my dear friend. it still feels like it was only yesterday when we were all hyped up to celebrate your birthday with you. you were taken from us way too soon, way too soon, and we were all so heartbroken and filled with shock and anger... to tell you the truth, i don't think i ever really recovered from that. i miss you everyday, and i miss hearing your voice through our countless aim conversations, i miss how you would always check up on me to see how i'm doing, if i'm doing okay. i miss how you would always have an open ear for my problems (i'll never forget how you said "that nigga loves you, he just don't know it yet" haha), how you'd come over to dobbs randomly, i miss all those nights we stayed awake having inebriated fun with the rest of the fam. i miss your laugh, your smile, i miss how you'd always rape my twitter feed with the funny ass cocky shit that went on in your mind, and i miss the yogurtland breakfasts we'd have the morning after being incredibly fucked up. I MISS YOU, lover, and though your time on this earth was cut short, you live in the hearts of all of us and we all know you're watching over. i still cry, when i think about that fateful day when i got the call that you passed on, though i know if you were here, you'd tell me to stop being such a girl, haha.

Friday, July 13, 2012

lackluster

i find myself in this place again, unmoving and dull.
it's not so much that i'm comfortable--on the contrary,
i feel as if i'm a stranger in my own skin. things seems to
move forward and on with vigor, and i'm here like a ghost,
a flower on the wall, living inside myself, trying to make
sense of these clipped and scrambled thoughts in my head.

every day's a new breath,
yet i'm asphyxiated.
i feel too much and
i feel nothing.
i'm not
dead
but
am
i
l
i
v
i
n
g
at all?

Monday, July 9, 2012

stranger in the mirror

do you know
what it feels like
to find your reflection
completely foreign?

Friday, June 29, 2012

the idler wheel

my heart's made of parts of all that surround me
and that's why the devil just can't get around me
every single night's a fight with my brain
i just want to feel everything

she's back and i love her even more.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

my friend kat


i'm very lucky to be surrounded by talented individuals and i'm also very blessed to have friends who inspire me greatly. this is an exquisite corpse film project made by my dear friend kat, who graduated from ucsc earlier this month. during the years she was gone i missed her so much, but i was also very proud of her journey and very proud of her success in school. now, she's back home in los angeles and i just can't wait to see her to do all the things we love together (coffee, books, films, writing, omg i'm tingling with excitement!)


so congratulations, kat! expect a text from me real soon <3

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

the other woman

sometimes, i wonder if you
thought of me when your
face was in between her thighs,
or if you imagined my name
when your ears were filled
with sounds of her love for you and
i wonder if i've crossed your mind
when she held your face in her
dainty hands, so unlike mine,
or if you heard my voice when
your searching lips met hers and
i wonder if you saw my eyes
when she filled the room with
her moans, reaching her climax and
i wonder what it was like
for you, if it was easy to
forget me, easy to pretend
like we didn't exist as you
held her close in your arms.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

tattooed hands

now if i've learned anything in my years,
i learned i no longer believe in surprise.

a lack

of motivation.


i don't know what i've been feeling lately,
all i know is that my heart's pretty heavy.

Monday, June 18, 2012

car rides and blurry memories


summer started and we spent a week vacation being spontaneous--
last minute vegas trip, ended up getting free tickets to edc sunday,
could've seen skrillex + diplo + afrojack but decided to take it easy.
had good times with great company, made many intoxicated memories,
(all to be forgotten lol) i have to say that this vegas trip has been the best yet!

came back home to spend the rest of the week in QT with the boo..

now it's monday, back to reality and responsibilities and work work work =)

Friday, June 1, 2012

you can't please everyone



in life, there's always going to be someone who judges you
(sometimes quite harshly) no matter what you do, or
how nice you are or how much you don't care for them.

sometimes, people just go on hating,
they scrutinize your every move,
and they even translate your best intentions
into something horribly less than noble.

sometimes, it's because you're not like them,
or that they feel threatened by you or
maybe it's because of jealousy,
but most of the time it's because these people
aren't happy about their own selves,
their own lives.

so, instead of doing something about it,
they just talk you down,
paint a warped picture of you and just
maliciously act out like they're in high school.

but you gotta remember that
you can't please everyone and people are always
going to judge you and their judgement may
or may not be fair, but ultimately,
who the fuck cares about what they think?

as long as you're true to yourself,
as long as you're happy with who you are,
what they think about you has no weight on your character.
whatsothefuckever.

so, this one's for all my haters,
the ones who talk me down, try to convince others to do the same,
this one's for the people who make it hard for me to be nice.

it doesn't matter that you hate me,
what matters is that i'm still on your motherfucking mind.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

the whale's vagina


spent the weekend in san diego, my first time there!
the city is so pretty, i definitely want to do some more exploring.


we went to go see skrillex at the cricket ampitheater
and OH. MY. GOD.
he's just AMAZING. i can't wait to see him again.


good times with great people! <3


Friday, May 25, 2012

i'm not an artist

"are you an artist?"

every time someone approaches me with "are you an artist?," i'm not quite sure how to answer them. most of the time, my "no, not nearly" doesn't really satisfy, particularly after they've coaxed out my hobbies during conversation. once i tell them that i'm pretty much horrible in anything artistic and just take pictures, immediately i'm hit with a "oh, photography! that's an art too, you know." at this point i just smile, give them a friendly shrug.

i guess, by definition, i am an artist. certainly, my different hobbies and interests confirm that. however, the word "artist" has a different meaning to me.

i believe art is more than just making pretty things that appeal to the eye. it's more than just the use of color, it's more than composition, and it's definitely more than the cool things you take pictures of. you're not an artist because you paint breathtaking landscapes, or take beautiful photography. i believe art goes beyond superficial appreciation. beyond the "oh, that's pretty" or "what beautiful composition". beyond the attractive models of portraits, the use of color, it goes beyond being pleasing to the eye.

art is a reflection of society, a challenge to accepted conventions. the norm. and sometimes, it's an insult to our ignorance. it pushes boundaries, makes people uncomfortable, question, dig deeper. it makes people aware. art is the greatest, most effective weapon, but it's been reduced to nothing but a fleeting pleasure.

for me, personally, you're not an artist if you don't stand for anything. that's probably the most offensive thing i can say during a time when everyone is exercising their creativity, when everyone is exploring their imaginative sides. but, that's just the problem.

nowadays, everyone's a photographer. everyone's a painter. everyone's an artist. what it means to be an artist has been lost in the sea of people who participate in the arts. art in every form has almost been commercialized, even to the point where graffiti can be categorized as pop art. what do all these artists stand for? what have they contributed to change anything? challenge anything? i feel like everyone just follow guidelines for mass appeal, when the whole point of art (in my opinion) is to go against the grain.

"are you an artist?"

let me clarify right now that no, i am not an artist, not nearly. i am nowhere near skilled enough to execute my intentions successfully, nor have i really even showcased anything of that caliber. i merely just capture moments onto photographs, share what i see, because i enjoy doing it. i merely write fiction and portray my own life through words. my pen has not been mightier than the sword, and i've yet to contribute whatever talents i can to the ideals i stand for.

so no, i'm no artist.

not yet anyway.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

even on my off days


i'm here at work.
chillin' at lacma,
getting shit done
since i get lazy at home.


throwback thursday: lyraflip

Written on April 22, 2009


Okay, second blog-interview ever!
For my second artist blog-interview, I sat down with Lyraflip on Sahtyre's comfortable green futon for a little chat to display onto the whole world. Lyraflip is one of the members of the Swim Team, and a Project Blowdian who freestyles and rips the m-i-c. This interview was a bit more casual, because I honestly went in there with no idea on what I really wanted to talk about and ask.
Anyway, I'm a little bit late on this, but Lyraflip had an album called 'My World In A Whirlwind' a year back. I really like it; his word-choice, to me, is very interesting, and his cadence isn't hard on the ears. Very smooth.
Favorite track on the album? "Smooth Talk". Favorite line? "You may have jewelry and ices, but the mic check that I'm spittin' out truthfully is priceless."

Monday, May 21, 2012

3MG at lacma







the first of many monthly hip hop shows at lacma for through the mic.
i was so stoked to see them get together (first time in five years) to kick this series off!

and i leave you with this: